Today’s Lesson Is: Marry A Qatari Billionaire And Get Knocked Up With His Baby

April 11, 2017 / Posted by:

The news that Janet Jackson broke up with her billionaire businessman husband, Wissam Al Mana, came out of nowhere to me, but some think that she may have timed things so that she gets as much cash in her divorce settlement as possible. I always knew that Joanne the Scammer is pretty much everyone’s life coach, but I didn’t know that she was personally advising Miss Janet.

TMZ says that Janet and Wissam most likely had a prenup since they’re both richies and got shit to protect. Although, he’s reportedly got a lot, lot more money (around $1 billion) than her (around $150 million). TMZ says that most prenups have “marks” in them, like if the marriage makes it to 5 years, the poorer one gets X amount of money and if it makes it to 10 years, they get more, etc… Janet and Wissam got married in either late 2011 or early 2012 and they separated shortly after their son, Eissa Al Mana, was born on January 3, 2017. Five years! I’m not even Miss Jackson and I just pictured a slot machine going off as millions of dollars pour out of it.

Page Six’s sources claim that they know all about Janet and Wissam’s prenup situation. They say that Janet and Wissam’s prenup states if their marriage blows out the candles on its fifth anniversary cake, she’s entitled to $100 million. If they have a child, which they did, that $100 million is doubled. So these sources say that Janet could leave her third marriage with a dump truck full of $200 million following her.

The family sources say that Janet splitting up from her husband has nothing to do with her wanting to put millions upon millions of more dollars into her pocketbook. The source say it’s about Janet getting… wait for it… wait for it… control back.

“It looks like a money grab but it’s not about money. She’s never in a relationship too long. Her longest was Rene [Elizonda] and that was for [nearly] 10 years. Marriage doesn’t agree with her. She doesn’t agree with marriage.

She loves to be in control. She ceded that control [in marriage] and she was not happy about it. She wants to get back to being Janet Jackson and not Mrs. Wissam Al Mana or being the obedient Muslim wife.”

Marriage may not agree with Janet, but divorce does (cut to her sashaying out of Cartier while covered in the diamonds she bought with a small piece of her divorce money). This alleged settlement is good news for Janet, but bad news for her fans. Now she’s really not going to restart that tour. She’ll have a lot more money in her personal bank accounts and she has a baby. And if Janet is anything like my cousins, she’ll use that baby as an excuse to get out of everything. “Sorry, everyone, I can’t make the show tonight, because we had a bitch of a time trying to get Baby Eissa’s car seat into the SUV, so I said fuck it and went to watch a Little Women: LA marathon instead.

Pic: FameFlynet

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