Mary J. Blige’s Divorce Is Pretty Messy

April 1, 2017 / Posted by:

2016 will forever be referred to as “FUCK 2016,” because we lost many of our most beloved celebrities, as well as ushered in the current era of America being run into the ground by a tangerine colored orangutan with zero impulse control. However, another casualty of 2016 was the demise of  Mary J. Blige’s thirteen year marriage to her now former manager, Kendu Isaacs.

I love Mary J. Blige. Like, borderline “I’ll be over with wine and cheese later gurl, even though I don’t know you but I know where you live and got keys to get in” type stalker fan-boy. My love for Mary goes all the way in. And I just want her to be happy. But, I had an inkling that her marriage was going to crash and burn back in 2009 when she allegedly slapped Kendu around like a circus monkey during her CD release party. Well, now in the aftermath of the divorce announcement, Mary is making her rounds to tell everyone why Kendu sucks so much.

Page Six reports that on Thursday, Mary threw on her best “I Can Do Bad By Myself” wig and hightailed it over to Power 105.1’s Angie Martinez Show to spill more tea than a barista with Parkinson’s disease.

“When I love you, I love you. I loved him. So and when I love you I give, like, way too much, like, ‘Here, just take everything.’ But I will never do that again.”

Mary went on to say that she’s never going to get married again (except to me, because I already got keys) and that one of the main factors in she and Kendu’s divorce was “overwhelming disrespect.

“I can sense that I’m not what you want anymore,” Blige said, “Because now you start throwing questions around like, ‘Why you don’t cook?’ I haven’t been cooking. ‘Why you don’t wear your hair like that?’ I never wore my hair like this before. …. You start to realize that this man doesn’t want you and he’s just gone all the time and you’re by yourself in the relationship.”

Hey Kendu, why you don’t speak English good? Perhaps instead of asking for around  $130k in spousal support you need to be requesting a damn dictionary and set of Rosetta Stone for English tapes to listen to while you’re living in a rundown motel. Mary spoke on his monetary requests as well, and she didn’t hold back.

“It really is not getting better. It’s just more B.S., nonsense, more lies, more denial, more stupidity, and I can’t even believe it’s this bad. It should be over by now but you know, the games, the games that are being played … You know he has the power to make it all go away if he just would stop demanding what he’s demanding. And that’s not fair to me because he doesn’t deserve what he’s demanding.”

Mary’s new album, Strength of a Woman, drops on April 28th and y’all, when I tell you that this new CD is going to be “FIRE!!!!”, please believe it. You know Mary turns pain and tragedy into $$$$! I remember years ago my mom asking me “Why does she always sing about a man who fucked her over? She ain’t got it right yet?” No Mommy, she hasn’t. And the world is ready once again to sing her songs like the drunk friend slurring their words on stage during Karaoke Night.

Now, let’s all begin today with this classic!


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