And Just Like That, “You’re Beautiful” Is Chris Brown’s Favorite Love Song

March 27, 2017 / Posted by:

So many people get an F minus in listening comprehension, and I’m talking about the wrecks who dance to U2’s One at their wedding because they think it’s such a romantic love song about a special union. And the messes who thought Foster The People’s Pumped-Up Kicks was about feel-good dancing and not about school shootings. And the parents who had no idea that Kiss From A Rose is about losing your virginity on a rainy day (that’s what it’s totally about, right?) and let their little kids sing it at the talent show. Those same people probably think that James Blunt’s song You’re Beautiful is a romantic love song about a man admiring his love’s beauty when it’s really about a crazed psychopath stalking the woman whose skin he wants to wear. In other words, if Silence of the Lambs became a musical, You’re Beautiful would be Buffalo Bill’s big solo.

While talking to HuffPo about his new album The AfterLove, James Blunt said that people who think his biggest hit is a romantic ballad, either don’t listen to the lyrics or are insane in the head. Because it’s really about a dude who is high on drugs and stalking someone’s girlfriend in the subway. Proud stalker Chris Brown probably just put You’re Beautiful between Every Breath You Take and I Want You To Want Me on his Spotify playlist labeled: Beautiful Love Songs.

“Everyone goes, ‘Ah, he’s so romantic. I want ‘You’re Beautiful’ as my wedding song.’ These people are fucked up.

You get labeled with these things like, ‘Oh, James Blunt. Isn’t he just a soft romantic?’ Well, fuck that. No, I’m not. ‘You’re Beautiful’ is not this soft romantic fucking song. It’s about a guy who’s high as a fucking kite on drugs in the subway stalking someone else’s girlfriend when that guy is there in front of him, and he should be locked up or put in prison for being some kind of perv.”

To be fair to those fucked-up people, the prude ass radio stations changed the line “fucking high” to “flying high” in You’re Beautiful.  But honestly, everyone should know that there’s something dark-sided about that song, because after about 3 seconds in, you can’t help but want to take a sharp object and murder your eardrums with it.

And some of James’ music may be like acid for the soul, but thanks to his explanation of You’re Beautiful and his friendship with Carrie Fisher, I got mild tingles for the original Ed Sheeran. But the tingles went away after I realized that James is hating on the fucked-up people who made his stupid song a hit and put millions in his bank account!

Here’s the yodeling stalker at BBC Radio 2 in London the other day:

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