Val Kilmer Is Fully In Love With Cate Blanchett
The defiantly cancer-free Val Kilmer is probably the only person who didn’t snicker a little bit when they saw Cate Blanchett done up as a middle-aged The Sisters of Mercy fan for the next Thor flick. That’s because the best Batman (it’s an unpopular opinion but come find me if you feel differently) is in glorious Twitter love with the Australian actress.
Val has turned his Twitter feed into a veritable shrine dedicated to Cate Blanchett worship. It wouldn’t surprise me if noted eccentric Val dresses up his pets as Galadriel, Kate Hepburn, and a closeted lesbian housewife in the 1950s. Wait, scratch that, it probably shouldn’t be cats.
He says that he once flew Down Under to terrify meet Cate, but her husband showed up instead.
Once I flew all the way to Australia just to talk to Cate Blanchett. Her husband met me first. Or, instead, I guess, to be accurate. pic.twitter.com/xSoYxRi0jh
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) March 24, 2017
Undeterred, he kept visiting her in his dreams. Much cheaper that way and no one has to dial (Australia’s version of 911), 000.
And recently I've had 2 dreams with #CateBlanchett in them. Her husband wasn't in either of them.
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) March 24, 2017
Keeping it creepy, Val retweeted this and I’m thinking he’s taking what she’s saying the wrong way. (Keep 000 on speed dial, Andrew Upton.)
#CateBlanchett for #WCW ??? #ItsAlwaysYes ???❤
Happy Day girls ??@Ms_AlexVause_ @PlanetLemon @Jana7380 @PeachesBeaches5 @MissVausePrepon pic.twitter.com/fyhLeqXWjG— Candi Girl♡ (@slatscan) March 15, 2017
Val notes that the other superstars don’t do things to him the way Cate does things to him. Does Cate KNOW she’s doing things to him? Also, she keeps it real. She keeps it so real that she’s unreal? Someone pry Val’s Benjamin Buttons Blu-Ray out of his sweaty hands.
She's just as amazing in person. Some super stars aren't-Some superstars don't do a thing to ya in person-Cate is so real it's almost unreal
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) March 25, 2017
He’s especially into the way she handles digging implements. The Fuck?
Once I did a cameo just to hang w/ #cateblanchett who pickd up a shovel in our sc. I was so dazzled by HOW she picked it up I forgot my line
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) March 25, 2017
Any mention of Cate on Twitter might want to pull something protective in latex over itself.
I mean even if she couldnt act you know what I mean? pic.twitter.com/xlcaCTT1QI
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) March 25, 2017
All of these heated, worshipful tweets might give you the impression that Cate is the only gal for Val. You could imagine him wallpapering his home with her image, only dining as Outback Steakhouse, and paying hookers to dress up as a visually severe Queen Elizabeth I. But it turns out Val is fickle as fuck! Right on the heels of that last masturbatory tweet about Cate, he began tweet-stalking a new chick!
And happy birthday to #JessicaChastain whom I also love love love love love. And a #Julliard alum as well.
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) March 26, 2017
Val’s cats just got their costumes switched to… Jessica Chastain… in like every movie, but I couldn’t tell you who she’s played that’s memorable. Don’t come at me with The Help. The only thing I remember from that movie is Octavia Spencer’s nasty pie tricks.
Pic: Splash