Shailene Woodley Struck A Plea Deal In Her Pipeline Arrest Last Year

March 26, 2017 / Posted by:

Shailene Woodley and her sun-dappled vagina found themselves in steel bracelets last October when they were arrested for protesting the Dakota Access Pipeline.

People is reporting that the celebrity woodland nymph won’t have to serve any jail time, as her lawyers struck a plea bargain for her. This is too bad, because the yard at a women’s prison seems like the optimal place to sun your vagine. Your crotch receives the vitamin D that your crazy limousine hippie mind thinks it requires, AND it’s the perfect way to let your fellow convicts know that you’re open to a jailhouse relationship with which to kill the time.

According to court documents obtained by TMZ and Entertainment Tonight, she will plead guilty to one count of disorderly conduct in return for one year of unsupervised probation. Woodley’s rep did not respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment.

The Big Little Lies actress was arrested in October while protesting the Dakota Access Pipeline along with over a hundred other activists in North Dakota. Twenty-seven other protests were also arrested that day.

Way to avoid jail while still standing up for a righteous cause, Shailene. Jail is pretty much the scariest place on Earth. Although, you have to work a job in jail to make money to buy things at the commissary. If Shailene DID have to do some time, she could always run a masturbation skills workshop. Now that I’m typing this, Shailene is probably the celebrity that’s most openly in tune with her honeypot, huh? She’s very into her “where all life begins” area, and that should be saluted with all four fingers and your thumb.

Teaching a masturbation workshop to horny and resentful convicts can’t be any worse than having to watch those Hunger Games-lite flicks that Shailene did. And then the producers insulted her by speculating that she might star in a Divergent TV series version of her “incomplete because the third one tanked” movie franchise. A TV series that would probably end up airing on the CW alongside The 100, which is a similar dystopian story. No wonder she ran screaming to HBO.


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