Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks Octopuses Are Too Smart To Eat

March 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Here we go again, Goopy Paltrow is talking about puss, but this time she’s talking about the brilliant sea aliens who are master escape artists. Goopy and Team Goop were having a conversation on Slack about L.A. restaurants when someone recommended the BBQ octopus at a place in Silver Lake. Goopy piped in and said that she’s done with eating octopus because they’re way too smart for humans to eat.

The whole riveting conversation was put up on Goop’s Instagram (via People).

“Octopus are too smart to be food. They have more neurons in their brains than we do. I had to stop eating them because I was so freaked out by it. They can escape from sea world and shit by unscrewing drains and going out to sea.”

Yes, a human brain has more neurons than an octopus brain, but we shouldn’t dare question Goopy! When someone asked Our Supreme Lady Of Everything if it was okay to eat squid, she said yeah, because they’re the dumb cousin.

So if Goopy refuses to eat something that’s smarter than her, then she shouldn’t eat cow, pig, chicken, rabbit, goat, moose, deer, fish, lobster, oysters, crocodile, insects, snails, kangaroo, rocks etc… Because the last time I checked, a grasshopper doesn’t take advice from Tracy Anderson and also doesn’t try to increase its chi by sticking a $66 jade egg from up its cooch. And if you’ve got a picture of a grasshopper shoving a $66 jade egg up its cooch after taking one of Tracy Anderson’s classes, don’t send it to me. I already know that there’s always one bitch…

But seriously, if the rule was that animals should only eat an animal that’s dumber than it, then us humans would be the most eaten thing in the world since we’re responsible for making the Cash Me Ousside Girl famous.


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