Within the past couples of months, Mischa Barton has been going through it again. First, Mischa was shuffled off to the hospital after losing it in the backyard of her West Hollywood apartment. (Mischa later claimed that she was drugged with GHB.) Then, Mischa crashed a U-Haul into a carport after moving out of her apartment. And now, Mischa is trying to kill a sex tape starring her.
The Daily Mail says that someone is trying to sell a video of Mischa doing it with some dark-haired dude and it was apparently shot within the year. Kevin Blatt, a “celebrity sex tape brokerer” who did the deals for Kim Kartrashian and Parasite Hilton’s sex tapes, says that the seller of Mischa’s tape wants at least $500,000 and several porn sites may pay up. But Mischa wants to keep eyes from seeing the tape and she has gotten Gloria Allred’s lawyer daughter, Lisa Bloom, to help her. Lisa released a dramatic statement yesterday, saying that the tape was shot without Mischa knowing and that anyone who tries to sell it, will be tracked down, destroyed and will live the rest of their life regretting the day they crossed Marissa Cooper!
It’s best if you read this statement in the voice of Liam Neeson’s Taken character:
“It has been reported that naked or sexually explicit images of Ms. Barton are being ‘shopped around.’ Ms. Barton does not consent to any disclosure of any such images She believes that she was recorded without her consent by someone she was seeing at the time.
There’s a name for this disgusting conduct: revenge pornography. Revenge pornography is a form of sexual assault, and it is also a crime and a civil wrong in California. And we will not stand for it.
I have a message for anyone who attempts to traffic in these photos or videos of Ms. Barton: we will find you, and we will come after you. We will fully prosecute you under every available criminal and civil law. You proceed at your peril.”
The National Enquirer has piped in, and their sources say that (prepare for plot twist) Mischa is behind the leak of her own sex tape (plot twist executed) and is working with Kevin Blatt to sell it. The source says that nobody would bid on the tape if they knew that Mischa was against it. The source says that since a subway hobo’s Styrofoam cup has more coins in it than Mischa’s checking account does, she’s doing it for money.
Adult-industry professionals think that a sex tape can pay off big for the star, too. “Mischa made a lot of young fans when she was a star on ‘The OC’ in the ’90s,” said one. “They’re all grown up now!”
The National Enquirer is The Sun’s more scholarly American stepbrother and we can always count on them to deliver meticulously researched news that is always made of 100% truthiness. But how can we take them seriously as journalists when they say that The O.C. was on in the 90s?! The O.C. aired from 2003 to 2007. In the 90s, a tween-age Mischa was buttering toast next to Bruce Willis in front of the Craft Service table on the set of The Sixth Sense! How can we ever trust the Enquirer again?!
Besides, Mischa Barton doesn’t need the money since she’s got that lucrative 138 Water contract!
— Celebzz (@celebzz_a) March 2, 2017