An Alabama Drive-In Won’t Be Showing “Beauty And The Beast” Because Of Gayness

March 4, 2017 / Posted by:

The owners of a North Alabama drive-in posted on their business’ Facebook page that motorists looking to see that live-action Beauty and the Beast mess at their establishment can keep right on driving. They won’t be showing the film due to the promised “exclusively gay moment” in which LeFou, played by Josh Gad, realizes he wants to hump on Gaston, coincidentally enough played by openly gay Luke Evans. Oh, no. Not at their trash-strewn parking lot with audio-visual capabilities!

Alabama’s news channel WHNT reports that Carol Laney and her husband, owners of Dekalb County’s Henagar Drive-in Theatre, put up their declaration to fight for what’s eye-roll inducing on their page Thursday night. In a revelation that will have Christians and Biblical scholars worldwide reeling, it turns out that God and his kid Jesus have been manifesting on Earth to go to the movies with the Laneys for what appears to be some time now. Which one springs for the popcorn? (I’m thinking Jesus is a “light on the fake butter” man, right?)


The post to the theatre’s Facebook page points out the drive-in has new owners as of December, and those new owners have changed their criteria for how they choose what they will show on the big screen. “If we can not take our 11 year old grand daughter and 8 year old grandson to see a movie we have no business watching it,” states the post. “If I can’t sit through a movie with God or Jesus sitting by me then we have no business showing it.”

So – no porn? Why would they deny themselves so many cinematic pleasures due to their annoying grandchildren? Just put them to bed and watch whatever movies you want, Nana! Although, they’re not going to have much time for not watching movies other than 1965’s Zebra In The Kitchen. They’ll be too busy with the crowds that will furiously form around their home and drive-in. The faithful are going to be embarking on religious pilgrimages to North Alabama just to touch the hem of the Laneys’ garments when they find out the owners have been attending movies with God AND his kid Jesus. Eff Lourdes, the real miracles are at a pious drive-in in Alabama! This is a universal game-changer! Deities – they’re just like us!

The Laneys would like it to be known that their decision to deny their customers a chance to see an unnecessary live-action Disney money grab has nothing to do with hatred and bigotry. They’re just standing up for what’s right!

“This by no means is sending a message of hatred or bigotry. However, we are Christians first and foremost and must admit to our Bible and Christianity,” she explained.

She said this decision was long thought out. They were excited about the movie originally, but had to opt out of showing it because faith comes first.

“We respect the choice of others who choose to respect other movie theaters by watching this move. However, we hope that you respect our choice not to play it at our drive-in.”

I don’t feel discriminated against. They can “admit” to their Bible all they want. In fact, I think the Laneys are doing Alabama’s gays a favor. Beauty and the Beast looks fairly unwatchable. They could look out for their gay audience even more by finding something evil about upcoming disasters like Power Rangers, Baywatch and Dax Shephard’s CHIPs remake.

The post went public at 9:06 p.m. Thursday. As of 6:30 a.m. Friday, it already had more than 600 shares and 500 comments. While many were critical, others were supportive of the theatre’s decision, with some saying Christians need to take a stand for what is right. Others state the drive-in had lost their business forever.

As of Friday night, drive-in’s entire Facebook page was taken down.

The post and the Henagar Drive-In Facebook page could not be found Friday night. At this time it’s unclear if the owners removed the page or if it’s a precaution from Facebook, which will temporarily remove a page if it’s reported too many times. WHNT News 19 has reached out to the owners, but has not received a response as of 9:45 p.m. Friday night.

Speaking as but one homosexual, I respect their decision to play whatever they want at their establishment. Who goes to drive-ins anymore, anyway? The audio is always garbled, it’s not like there’s a bar, and this is obviously a place that’s going to frown upon any anal action in your backseat (*wink*) when the movie gets boring. Next!

Pic: Instagram

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