If You’re A Millennial, The Dog Whisperer Thinks You Shouldn’t Be Able To Adopt A Pooch

March 3, 2017 / Posted by:

“If this motherfucker tries his ‘techniques‘ with me, bitch is gonna end up in the well with that annoying ass Timmy.” – Lassie in that picture, obviously.

Cesar Millan’s Once Upon A Dog tour (yes, he has a tour) is about to travel through Europe and so to promote it, he talked to The Daily Mail’s Femail about all things dog. Cesar burped up his wisdom including how he believes the young tricks today shouldn’t make the longterm commitment of adopting a dog. I don’t know about the other millennials, but millennial skid mark Justin Bieber should definitely open up his ears to Cesar’s words.

Cesar starts off by saying that millennials are using dogs as a replacement for babies.

“The new generation brought the dog inside. But that’s because the new generation don’t have children. You need to fill that empty space. You need to love somebody and you need to touch somebody. The dog is no longer a worker, it has evolved into becoming a personal fulfillment formula for a human.”

Yeah, that’s just not a millennial thing. I have a friend, who isn’t a millennial, and he spent a piece of his Monday night looking for dog strollers on Amazon because his pooch is getting too old to go for long walks and he wants his dog to breathe in the air and see the sights. The friend is not me. Okay, the friend is me. And if I kept my dog outside by himself for more than an hour, he’d learn to rub two twigs together so that he could start a fire and torch the bushes. That way help would arrive and put him safely inside where he belongs.

Cesar then contradicted himself by saying that a millennial’s phone is their dog and baby and they’re way too focused with InstaChatting, or SnapGramming, or Tweezing, or whatever to care for another living thing. Cesar really dragged those millennials. SHOTS FIRED! Oh wait, let me translate that into millennial: ?

“Millennials shouldn’t adopt dogs yet. They are always on their phone and have no idea how to relate on a personal matter. They’re not ready to have a one-on-one relationship. A lot of millennials feel independent and can do their own thing, but they have no idea how to relate with other human beings. They’ve being given everything, how are they going to maintain a dog?”

He thinks that millennials should try fostering first.

Again, being glued to your phone and not knowing how to act around humans isn’t strictly a millennial thing, Cesar! And sometimes a dog wants you to be on your phone, because they need “me” time too. For example: Sometimes when I make my dog reenact scenes with me from the Golden Girls (he alternates between Rose and Sophia and I’m either Dorothy or  Blanche), he’ll reach for the coffee table and push my phone toward me. He wants me to be on my phone! Or maybe he wants me to call the ASPCA for him so he can report a case of dog abuse.

Pic: Wenn.com

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