If you’re celebrating the return of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, then what I’m about to say may make you click the x on your browser while saying bye. The original Fab 5 will not be in it. So say goodbye to Carson, Ted, Thom, Jai and Kyan and hello to the five YouTubers who will probably replace them.
Entertainment Weekly says the current rebooter of everything, Netflix, has ordered eight episodes of Queer Eye and they’re putting a “topical spin” on it by dropping the new Fab 5 in the Red States. The original Fab 5 may be involved in some way. Netflix released this statement that made me cringe so much that I developed new fine lines on my face and so now I need to slather it with Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Moisturizer. You know, because I’m gay and we love moisturizing!
“In a time when America stands divided and the future seems uncertain, a team of five brave men will try to bring us closer together with laughter, heart, and just the right amount of moisturizer. The Emmy Award-winning Queer Eye is back and ready to Make America Fabulous Again. With a new Fab 5 and the show’s toughest missions to date, Queer Eye moves from the Big Apple to turn the Red States pink — one makeover at a time.”
Queer Eye ran on Bravo from 2003 to 2007. It is so of that time and feels like it only worked back then. Even then, I had a friend or two who thought it was a minstrel show full of stereotypes who weren’t threatening to straight people because they only talked about superficial shit. (And yes, my friend probably said that to me at the club as I bopped to a Britney dance remix while covered in face glitter and holding a cosmo.) But I watched almost every episode and did further expose the country to actual gay people on TV.
And since Will & Grace and now Queer Eye are coming back, can Hollywood please, please reboot Queer As Folk? Brian Kinney’s bare ass will definitely heal this nation.