Burke Ramsey Is Suing CBS For $750 Million

December 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Burke Ramsey, the older brother of JonBenét Ramsey, finally made good on his threat to sue CBS (and others) for ruining his reputation with this year’s series The Case of: JonBenét Ramsey. The NY Times reports that Burke was not at all pleased with the conclusion of the show, which says he probably killed JonBenét because of some pineapple thievery, and his parents did some extra shady shit to protect him.

In the lawsuit filed Wednesday, Burke Ramsey claims that the network, its production company and the experts interviewed in the series on the unsolved murder conspired to defame him for publicity and profit … The new lawsuit says CBS and its featured experts set out to conduct a “sham reinvestigation” of the murder with “the preconceived the storyline” that Ramsey killed his sister and conspired with his parents to cover it up.

That part might be true. Whether you’re with what Ocean’s Eleven-type group of highly skilled professionals concluded with, I think many of us can agree that Burke’s constant smirking face launched 1,000 night terrors. That doesn’t make him guilty, but it did cause many to throw a side-eye at him.

Burke offered up his own theory on one of America’s worst inventions, The Dr. Phil Show, a little after the series aired. He basically concluded that some greasy pageant pervert must have become smitten with JonBenet and snuck into their house. Anyone who has heard of the case might remember this theory as “The Only Other Goddamn Theory Ever Offered Up.”

As of October, Burke has already begun the process of suing a pathologist that appeared on the CBS show. Fair enough, I suppose, but he really ought to be suing his cartoon marauder face. There’s only so much anyone can do when you look like Elijah Wood circa Sin City. No, the only person who can help Burke now is Detective LaToya with her magic magnifying glass and truth-sniffing nose holes, and $750 million ought to just about cover her fees.

Pic: CBS Television

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