Open Post: Hosted By Jake Gyllenhaal’s Hairy Nips In St. Barts

December 28, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s that time of year again when those of you who live where the temperature is January Jones’ Queef  (read: ice ice cold) feel the icicles form around your frozen b-hole while looking at pictures of rich famous bitches frolic in the warm waters somewhere. One of those rich famous bitches who are frolicking in the warm waters is Jake Gyllenhaal who is spending his holiday in St. Barts.

Jake, his beard, his “pandas with jaundice” trunks and his friend (and not in a quotation marks and italics sort of way, she’s an actual friend) Greta Caruso (aka the daughter of David Caruso and Melina from the original Total Recall) were papped yesterday going for a swim in the ocean. Or if celebrities really are just like us, they were papped while taking a piss in the ocean because the bathroom is way too damn far away from their loungers. I’m going with that,  because in a few of the pictures, it looks like Jake’s Clan of the Cave Bear-looking ass is smiling the kind of relieved smile someone does while finally emptying their piss bag. And as he’s doing that, Greta is probably screaming, “Eww, Toothy Tile, aim thattaway, it’s hitting my leg!

Pics: Splash

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