Johnny Depp Is Dragging Shit Out With Amber Heard Again

December 22, 2016 / Posted by:

Johnny Depp wasn’t going to let Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie be the only ones to deliver some pre-Christmas legal messiness, now was he?

People reports that Johnny wants Amber Heard to pay 1/10th of the legal fees he racked up in their smegma-covered divorce fight. Johnny’s lawyers filed documents asking the court to force Amber to pay $100,000 of his attorney fees and other legal costs. Johnny says that the mountain of money in his vault of treasures is $1 million lighter, because that’s what he’s paid his lawyer Laura Wasser to deal with this divorce mess. Johnny argued that Amber should pay a piece of that for violating their confidentiality agreement and for filing frivolous motions with the court.

Johnny and Amber’s never-ending divorce war seemed to come to an end in August when they announced that they agreed that he’ll pay her $7 million. Amber said that she’s donating all of her settlement to two charities: the ACLU and the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles. Johnny kept the asshole tug ‘o war going by announcing that he’ll make the donations himself. Amber farted on that by saying that Johnny is just trying to get a tax write-off. Johnny finally agreed to give Amber the money directly but will do it in payments. But when Johnny missed out on a couple of payments to her, her lawyer filed a “Request For Order.

Ole Greasy McMethMouth has called that “Request For Order” shit “entirely unnecessary” and wants Amber to pay the price. Johnny also says that Amber violated their confidentiality agreement “almost weekly.” If the court orders Amber to put a dent in Johnny’s legal fees by paying $100,000 of it, he wants the money within 10 days. If Amber doesn’t pay within 10 days, he wants to be able to deduct the $100,000 from his next settlement payment to her.

“The impact of her relentless pursuit on Johnny — the damage her false allegations have caused his personal and professional reputation, his and his family’s emotional well-being, and his finances appears to be of no interest to Amber,” state the documents.

Depp also claims that Heard has continuously violated their confidentiality agreement “almost weekly.”

A hearing to talk about this latest shanking has been put on the calendar for January 13, 2017.

For many of us, 2016 has been as pleasant as a talon banging in the ass from a dominant hawk, but at least there’s one person who has had the best year ever. That one person is obviously Laura Wasser! Laura is Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie’s lawyer. The soundtrack to her 2016 has been the jackpot sound a winning slot machine makes. While many parents are telling their kids that this Christmas is going to be a little lighter this year (as the kids notice that the only things under the tree seem to be wrapped socks), Laura is having the opposite conversation with her sons. She’s telling them to empty all the toy chests in their playroom to make way for all new stuff. Screw basic and ugly Hatchimals. Those are for poor people. Laura is getting her kids Fabergémals!


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