Hot Slut Of The Day!
Sir Isaac Lime!
Even though he works a pair of Triscuit-shaped glasses and a jagged biscotti stache like no other lime green otter ever has, Sir Isaac Lime was never my favorite Otter Pop (that’s Alexander the Grape) or even my second favorite (that’s Strawberry Short Kook), but I am still happy that his life was spared thanks to a group of determined activists!
The other day, a friend reminded me of one of the most important protests of 1996, a time when little kids cared about real causes instead of shit like getting loves on The SnapGram and becoming a TubeU star!!! Back in 1996, National Pax, the company that makes Otter Pops, announced their disturbing plan to snuff out Sir Isaac Lime and replace the beloved British professor with some new trick named Scarlett O’Cherry. Yes, Scarlett O’Cherry is a really hot name, because it sounds like the name of a southern porn star, but many were outraged that she was taking Sir Isaac Lime’s spot in the Otter Pops box. One 9-year-old from Costa Mesa, CA decided to channel his rage over the loss of Sir Isaac Lime into a full-on protest.
The Los Angeles Times reported back then that the kid, Kevin Kee, rounded up his cousins and together they made signs with green Crayons and made plans to picket outside of National Pax’s headquarters in Riverside, CA. They also started a petition and got their little classmates to sign it. Kevin got the idea from his mom who the got the idea from an episode of The Brady Bunch. Kevin wasn’t only fighting for Sir Isaac Lime, he was fighting for ALL of the Otter Pops he grew to love.
“One week, let’s say they get rid of this guy, [the next week], they might have a kiwi or a watermelon or all sorts of flavors,” said Kevin, a math whiz and spelling bee champ.
The fight began three weeks ago, when Kevin’s stepfather, Daniel Cordova, learned about Sir Isaac’s impending demise from the Otter Pops home page on the World Wide Web, an arm of the Internet.
“I was grumpy,” said Kevin, who has three Otter Pops every day after school, with a Gatorade chaser. “I got real mad.”
Kevin’s mom called National Pax before their planned picketing day, but the company told them to not bother. Sir Isaac Lime’s coffin had already been picked out. Kevin and his fellow Otter Pop purists picketed in the pouring rain anyway. Ron Cedillos, the CEO of the company at the time, watched their protest from his office and eventually called them inside. Kevin thought that the CEO was going to laugh in his face, but instead he was told that the company heard their pleas (and the pleas of other angry customers) and decided to keep Sir Isaac Lime and send poor Scarlett O’Cherry back to the southern truck stop strip club. Sir Isaac Lime had been saved!
Cedillos and other officials listened to the kids’ pleas. They tried to explain that company surveys showed Sir Isaac was the least popular flavor. And Scarlett O’Cherry had been in product development for months, costing several thousands of dollars.
“We were within days of changing it,” Cedillos said later.
Finally, Cedillos gave in. The kids screamed with joy and exchanged high-fives.
Oh, 1996 was truly, truly a simpler time. Not only was it a time when the “World Wide Web” was an arm of the Internet (it’s the dirty asshole of the Internet now), but it was also a time when kids could protest without worrying about getting tear-gassed or dragged off to the pokey.
Even my bitter heart knows that’s a feel-good story for the ages. It’s so wholesome that it really is like a come-to-life Brady Bunch episode. Kevin Kee is a hero to Otter Pops and all of us! If I had kids and one them made a stink face toward the green Otter Pop, I’d sit that ungrateful little shit down and tell them the heroic tale of Kevin Kee and the journey to save Sir Isaac Lime!
Pic: Otter Popstars