Open Post: Hosted By Universal Treasure Tim Curry And The Cast Of The TV “Rocky Horror”

In case your brain tried to protect your soul by blocking out the memory of Fox’s remake of Rocky Horror Picture Show, let me remind you. Fox actually went through with taking that exquisitely perfect $2 back alley whore, Rocky Horror, and cleaning it up so it’d be presentable for families and children. Families and children always ruin everything!

Fox’s squeaky clean kindergarten theater production of Rocky Horror airs on Thursday, and last night was its premiere in L.A. While surrounded by Ben Vereen, a hot piece in a tux, Christina Milian and a bunch of other tricks, the king of the night Tim Curry held court.

Tim has been in a wheelchair ever since he had a stroke in 2013, and he said last year that he’s doing well. Sir Tim (THE QUEEN hasn’t knighted him yet, which is a travesty, but I’m going to call him a Sir anyway) is well enough to play the narrator/criminologist in Fox’s long-form version of Glee’s Rocky Horror episode. Sir Tim gave Fox’s sanitizing of Rocky Horror his stamp of approval, and I’m not going to hate him for that since a check is a check.

But after reading some of the reviews and listening to Laverne Cox’s version of Sweet Transvestite, I want to do the time warp back to when Fox’s Rocky Horror wasn’t a thing.

As for the word “transvestite,” Laverne told Vanity Fair that it concerned her at first:

“I had a conversation [with director] Kenny [Ortega]. We talked about the word ‘transvestite.’ Historically, the terms have changed [and] it doesn’t mean the same thing today that it meant in the 70s. It’s not appropriate to refer to trans people as a transvestite [today], but it is [used here as] the character in that specific moment in history.”

And as for Laverne’s version… I mean, she sounds good, but she sounds too good. The whole thing is too polished. If it was a sex toy, it’d be a fresh-out-of-the-box, chemical-smelling dildo. And it should be a half-broken, overused, rubber-falling-off, butt dust-covered dildo. And yes, I do know what that looks like. I just threw one in the trash.

Pics: Splash