Surprise, Surprise: The “Ben-Hur” Remake That Nobody Asked For Is A Box Office Bomb

“Note to self: Fire my managers, agents and anyone else who thought doing this shit show of biblical proportions was a good idea.” – Morgan Freeman in that picture. It looks like his horse is thinking the same thing too.

Pretty much nobody thought to themselves “#ImWithHur” and acted upon it this past weekend, because it totally flopped at the domestic box office. Deadline reports that Ben-Hur got pounded by Sausage Party, Suicide Squad and War Dogs. (That sounds like the most messed-up orgy ever.) Ben-Hur brought in a whopping $11 million, which is nearly 1/10th of the $100 million it cost to make. Mark Burnett and Roma Downey, who already made a lot of money off of the Bible, produced this wreck, so I have a feeling that the next time they pray to Jesus, they’re going to be hit with an error 404, because he just can’t with them right now.

I watch approximately 19 hours of TV a day and my brain is always plugged into the internet, and even I barely saw any marketing for Ben-Hurrendous, which almost starred Tom Hiddleston. I forgot it existed. I obviously wasn’t alone. The top 3 movies of the weekend in North America were Suicide Squad ($20.7 million), Sausage Party ($15.3 million) and War Dogs ($14.3 million). Ben-Hur opened in sixth place. The New York Times says that Paramount isn’t that worried because they think it will make $100 million overseas. It has $90 million more to go, because it’s made around $10 million internationally so far.

This unneeded remake of Ben-Hur was dead to me as soon as I found out that they completely de-gayed it. They straight-washed it by dropping all the gay undertones and getting rid of the hot sexual tension between Messala and Ben-Hur. At the Hollywood premiere of Ben-Hur last week, Vanity Fair asked Toby Kebbel (who played Messala) why the remake doesn’t have a tinge of homoeroticism in it, and he pulled a ridiculous explanation out of his ass (but not in a gay way). Toby said that gay rights have advanced so much since the original Ben-Hur came out and so showing the gayness was not needed. Ben-HUH?

“In 1959, the gay context was very important. They need a voice. You shouldn’t have to hide in the dark about something you feel and you’re grown with. That was their own thing they wanted to portray and we didn’t need to. It’s a different time, thankfully.”

Nice try, but the people have decided. The movie ticket-buying public want less remakes and more gay stuff. Proof: The fact that this gay-less remake flopped.

And here’s a few pictures of Jack Huston (who played Ben-Hur), that Toby mess, Mark Burnett, Roma Downey and Rodrigo Santoro (who played Jesus) at last week’s premiere.

Pics: Wenn.com, Paramount/MGM