Britney Spears’ Vocal Tribute To The Chipettes Is Spot-On
Britney Spears’ 9th studio album Glory, which sadly isn’t a bubble gum pop interpretation of the movie starring Denzel Washington, is out August 26th and yesterday, she kept her fans busy. Some of her fans have been busy screaming at her label to change the damn cover of her album, which is very “off-brand Kim Zolciak Barbie doll on the cover of a new-age country album.” Other fans have been busy wondering how they should process one of the songs off of her album called “Private Show.”
Brit Brit’s Glory Hole is available for pre-sale on iTunes, and if you buy that shit now, you’ll get “Private Show.” Brit Brit’s single “Make Me” sounds like a robot orgasming, and this new song is much different. This new song could take the ear candling industry out, because her high-pitch chipmunk yodels are strong enough to melt all the wax in your ear holes. At times she sounds like the sped-up recording of a helium-filled Ross Matthews hollering as he gets his nuts squeezed.
Brit’s voice goes all over the place in this and sometimes she squeals out a note that could break a dog’s will to live and other times she sings out some low sexiness. It’s like the spirits of a slutty baby and a Prince impersonator possessed her body and fought over who got to take over. Those bitches have been yanking it off of YouTube left and right, but you can listen to the whole thing if you pre-buy Glory Hole or if have Spotify. Here’s a piece of it:
It sounds like a Jackson 5-era Michael Jackson singing a Janet Jackson B-side from the 90s. It also sounds like a song from Toddlers & Tiaras: The Musical that was cut during previews for being too “inappropriate.” It’s a weird mess, but I kind of like it and mostly because I can picture some drunk old lady dropping it low to it in the middle of a dance floor at a truck stop bar after last call.
Here’s the chipmunk chanteuse struttin’ around L.A. with her mom the other day: