An “Auntie Mame” Movie Starring Tilda Swinton May Happen

I don’t carry cash, so I when I read the headline “Tilda Swinton Is Your New Auntie Mame,” I grabbed my wallet, pulled out one of my good credit cards, blew it for luck and threw it at the screen. Take my money!

Screenwriter and actress Annie Mumolo is in Bad Moms, and so she did an interview with Vanity Fair to pimp it out. Annie also co-wrote Bridesmaids and she tells Vanity Fair that otherworldly creature Tilda Swinton is a big fan of that movie. Tilda e-mailed Annie and they became pen pals. It’s kind of disappointing knowing that Tilda e-mails like the rest of us regulars. I’d like to think that she writes letters on paper made from the wings of fairies in ink made from the thick jizz of a virile unicorn and sends it via a blue carrier pigeon. But Tilda e-mails, and in one of her e-mails to Annie, she brought up Auntie Mame. That led to Annie agreeing to write a modern-day Auntie Mame movie for Tilda. How do you say “GOD YES” in Venusnese, which is Tilda’s first language.

Annie put it like this:

“She’s one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever encountered. She’s so funny. Her e-mails are like works of art, truly. They should be published. The way she communicates is just beautiful and poetic.

She asked me, ‘Have you read Auntie Mame?’ I said, ‘No, I haven’t read the book but I’ve seen the other version of it made into a film version in the 50s.’ She said, ‘Would you take a look at it? I want to see if you are interested in writing a modern-day adaptation.’ I said yes, because you say yes to Tilda Swinton when she asks if you want to do something.

I read the book and it was one of the most fun reads I’ve ever had. It’s totally different from what I had seen in the movie versions. We had meetings and then, as I got a little overwhelmed with a few other work things, I brought on a co-writer to work together on this, because it’s a huge job and an adaptation. I brought on a friend of mine—Stan Chervin [the Oscar-nominated Moneyball co-screenwriter].”

The Auntie Mame movie starring Rosalind Russell is a flawless diamond, and I even love the 1974 film version of the musical starring Lucille Ball and Bea Arthur, because it’s an opulent mess. Tilda’s Auntie Mame probably won’t be like either of those. In Tilda’s version, the setting will be moved from NYC to Jupiter, that little blondie boy will be replaced by a cyborg orphan, Vera Charles will be a robot and Auntie Mame will be an intergalactic empress who is a swinger with a bad opium addiction. And yes, Tilda will play all three roles.

Pic: Wenn.com