Taylor Swift Now Has The Power To Mass-Delete Hating Comments

July 25, 2016 / Posted by:

Famous and non-famous people are hit with death threats and racist shit all the time on social media (example: Leslie Jones), but when poor, little permanent damsel in distress Taylor Swift gets viciously attacked with threatening and scary snake emojis, Instagram drops EVERYTHING to protect her snowflake feelings and crumbling image as America’s sweetheart.

After Kim Kartrashian pulled the sheep’s clothing off of Taylor Swift by exposing her as a liar in several Snapchat videos, Tay’s Instagram page started to look like the inside of Pimp Mama Kris’ Satanic ritual chamber. The comment section of her Instagram posts got covered with zillions of snakes, and instead of laughing it off while enjoying her riches (aka making her low-ranking squad members exfoliate her skin with crushed diamonds and shredded bills), she cried to the principal. Instagram eventually sprinkled reptile poison all over Taylor’s page and the snake emojis disappeared. And now The Times (via The Drum) says that Instagram has given Taylor’s team a tool that allows them to commit hate comment genocide.

Taylor’s low-ranking squad members no longer have to spend hours upon hours deleting every individual hate comment manually, because apparently the Evil Queen masquerading as Snow White now has the power to mass delete bad comments instantly. Instagram has also blocked anyone from being able to post a snake emoji in  Taylor’s comment section.

The feature is new and Instagram is allowing their most popular users to test it out. Next to Selena Gomez, Taylor has the second most followers on Instagram. Instagram admitted that the tool exists, but didn’t confirm whether or not Taylor has it:

“We’re always looking for ways to help people have a positive experience with comments on Instagram. We’re currently focused on providing tools to improve accounts with the most high-volume comment threads, and we will use our learnings to continue to improve the comment experience on Instagram.”

That is a good first step, but it’s still not enough. Those snake emoji attackers need to be brought to justice and pay for the crime of hurting the fragile fee-wings of a millionaire pop star whose skin is as thin as her dancing ability. Hillary Clinton’s writers better scrap her entire DNC speech and re-write it so the entire focus is on what America is going to do to protect Taylor Swift from the big meanies saying meanie stuff about her on Instagram!

But seriously, I’m surprised Taylor hasn’t bought the exclusive rights to the snake emoji and vowed to sue everyone who uses it against her. Shit, I’m giving her ideas.

Here’s the snake emoji slayer leaving the gym in L.A. on Friday:

Pics: Splash  Impeccable Composite: Wenn.com, Emojipedia (And if you’re reading this, Mariah Carey, no, you can’t afford my flawless Photoshop services!)

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