Before we get into the most romantic dinner of the century, I must say that swan pastry is much too fabulous to be eaten. It doesn’t belong in someone’s stomach. It belongs on the Las Vegas stage, because bitch is working that voluminous whipped cream boa like no other. No, that whipped cream isn’t its body, it’s its costume. I bet Taylor Swift ordered the server to get that swan pastry out of her sight because she was jealous of all the charisma and glamour it possessed. And yes, I was completely sober while writing that little bit about the Liberace pastry swan. Moving on…
Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston have left Rhode Island on her private jet, and now they’re in the next location for their second staged couples photo shoot. Before they left Rhode Island, they filled a restaurant in Rhode Island with their organic love. Some witness (who may or may not have been Taylor’s publicist sitting at a nearby table) tells UsWeekly that on Wednesday night, ToTay had dinner at the Olympia Tea Room in Westerly. The witness says that they held hands, sipped on the sweet nectar, shared that Liberace pastry swan and laughed at texts on her phone (which were probably sad texts from Calvin Harris‘ sad publicist begging her not to do this and to please renegotiate their dating contract!). The source mouth farted up these riveting and thrilling details about their date.
“Tom and Taylor were … in the back left booth drinking white wine. They were very cute, a lot of laughing, giggling, as she showed him texts and photos on her phone. They were interlacing their fingers across the table and laughing,” the onlooker said, noting that they ordered the restaurant’s famous Avondale Swan pastry with whipped cream and fudge.
And as they held hands, they looked down and noticed that their swan pastry seemed to have more whipped cream on it than when their server first brought it to their table. That’s because the pastry swan barfed while looking at those two saps getting into some manufactured PDA (public display for attention).
Page Six also asked this important question about HiddleSwift’s coming out photo shoot:
Asking if those photos were staged is like asking if that Liberace pastry swan should get on the next bus headed for Las Vegas to fulfill its destiny of starring in a big-budget show at Caesars. There’s only two acceptable answers: Yes and FUCK YES.
And here’s Calvin Harris fighting through the pain while posing for selfies with fans outside of his gym. So strong!