Paul Sheldon had Annie Wilkes. Wayne Campbell had Crazy Stacy. Beyonce has the Beyhive. Gwake, the unholy portmanteau used to represent the so-real relationship of Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani, also has an obsessed super fan. No, it’s not any of the people who are maybe being paid to gush about them on social media. According to Gwen Stefani, it’s Gwen Stefani. Oh Gwen; still allergic to subtlety, I see.
During an event on Tuesday, UsWeekly asked Gwen about her relationship with croonin’ giant Blake Shelton and she said:
“I’m our biggest fan! I actually feel like I’m not in my own life, because I’m not. I’m in a different life all of a sudden. I’m so blessed and I feel like I believe in my path. Now there’s all these miracles around me!”
Sadly, Blake was unable to be reached for comment regarding whether or not he felt the same way about their relationship, as he was too busy dragging a random woman on Twitter.
Gwen claims to be Gwake’s most hardcore stan, but I’m not so sure. The last time we checked in on Gwen and Blake’s relationship, she was allegedly turning down his marriage proposal. That doesn’t sounds like something a self-professed “biggest fan” would do. The biggest fan would have said yes, immediately changed their Twitter name to TheFutureMrsGwakeShelton, then gotten a backwards tattoo of Blake’s proposal across her titties so she could re-read the reflection of it every morning in the bathroom mirror while brushing her teeth with a toothbrush made of Blake’s hair. Gwen, I’m starting to question your commitment to this fandom.
As you can see from these pictures of Gwen with her kids last Sunday, she’s not wearing a single article of clothing with Blake’s face on it. Gwen, come on. At least use some of that black hair dye to spell out BLAKE in your ponytail next time.