This Dude Looks Like He Was “Inbred With A Tomato,” So Thinks Johnny Depp

May 25, 2016 / Posted by:

I don’t exactly know how he can be “inbred with a tomato,” but I see it. That picture is giving me “Willy Wonka’s three-course meal gum malfunctioning during the tomato soup part.”

Barnaby Joyce, Australia’s agriculture minister turned deputy PM, has officially replaced soap as Johnny Depp’s number one enemy. The never-ending saga of the Yorkie smuggling case that rocked Australia and the world finally came to an end last month. Amber Heard pleaded guilty to falsifying quarantine documents, and after she and Johnny filmed a hilarious apology/hostage video, she got a slap on the wrist. That was that until Barnaby and Johnny decided to drag it out some more. Barnaby gave his own bitchy review of the apology video and Johnny also made fun of the video and the whole situation at a press conference. Well, on Jimmy Kimmel Live! on Monday, Johnny talked about one of his greatest artistic achievements (aka that apology/hostage video) and also said that Barnaby Joyce probably tastes delicious with a drizzling of balsamic and a slice of mozzarella.

Johnny said, “He looks somehow like inbred with a tomato. I’m just saying. It’s not a criticism. But I was a little worried that he might explode.”

Barnaby Joyce has already responded, because he lives for this drama and I was hoping that he’d say, “Well, bitch, I’d rather look like I was crossbred with a tomato than look like I was a crossbred with a dick cheese curd.” But instead, he got all Batman villain-ey by bragging about getting into Johnny’s head:

“I think I’m turning into Johnny Depp’s Hannibal Lecter, aren’t I? I’m inside his head, I’m pulling little strings and pulling little levers. Long after I’ve forgotten about Mr Depp, he’s remembering me.”

These two… Will they get a room somewhere and hate fuck the sexual tension away already? The way they go on about each other makes me think that in the middle of the night, they slide out of bed, go to the bathroom and furiously fap as they growl through grit teeth while thinking of the other. Just get it out of your systems already! If the tomato and the cheese curd did hate bone, it’d probably smell like a burnt lasagna.

And here’s Johnny at the L.A. premiere of Alice Through The Looking Glass the other day:

Pics: AP,

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