I just want to spray Beyonce down with some liquid antibiotics and acid, because she looks like a used condom covered in herpes and rolled in kitty litter.
As we all know by now, the theme for tonight’s Meth Gala is Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, and it looks like Beyonce honored that theme by finding a way to copy and paste Zoe Saldana’s face onto hers, because that does not look like Beyonce. The rest of Beyonce’s look would be 100% perfect if the theme was A Night With Derek Jeter. Since Beyonce is a true artiste and everything she does has a message, maybe her doing herself up like a giant condom is her way of saying, “And I still don’t trust Jay!”
That dress is also giving me “It rubs the lotion on its skin,” because it looks like she skinned someone with chronic eczema alive and wore their hide on her body. That dress doesn’t only need to be dipped in antibiotics, it also needs to be dipped in Proactiv.
And just like she did last year, Solange outdid her sister tonight. Basement Baby’s look will remind you of the time that your dog pissed on the floor and you didn’t have any paper towels to clean it up with so you had to use the coffee filters. While Beyonce has access to all of the fanciest designers in the world and still shows up wearing that mess, Basement Baby only has access to what she finds in the dumpster and she still comes up with ART!
Solange also kind of looks like a lemon that’s been mauled by a garbage disposal, and that’s my cue to write a 12,000 word think piece on how this look is her commentary on Lemonade.