Hot Slut Of The Day!

The prettiest girl Ed Begley Jr. ever saw from the Country Time Lemonade commercial! 

Before Beyonce spilled the scalding hot tea lemonade all over HBO last night, one of my Beyhive member friends texted me to ask if I was watching and told me that he and his fellow BumbleBey boyfriend made a giant pitcher of Country Time and vodka for the holyonce sermon they were about to witness. Yes, Country Time and vodka. I told him that he should’ve made a pitcher of Pledge and vodka instead, because Pledge is probably more all-natural and organic than Country Time. Dawn lemon-scented dish soap probably has more actual lemons in it than Country Time. But I digress…

My friend and I texted about the Country Time commercials from the olden times, and that made me think of the one from 80s that they played over and over again. Back when commercials gave us real storylines, drama, intrigue and surprise endings, Ed Begley Jr. played a young pepaw during a flashback in a Country Time Lemonade commercial. While sipping some Country Time with his grandchirrun, a pepaw tells the story of how he was stranded in some town on a hot day and the prettiest girl he ever did saw saved him from dying of thirst by giving him a glass of lemonade. Country Time reminds him of that glass of lemonade. The kids ask their grandaddy if he ever saw that prettiest girl again, and surprise! That prettiest girl is now their memaw!

That memaw kissed on him and acted all sweet, but I bet that once the children left the porch, she dumped his ass. Because comparing her lemonade to Country Time is some hurtful, hurtful divorce-worthy shade.