James Franco Has Turned “Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?” Into Some Lesbian Twilight Shit

“I’m going to be honest here, I have no idea what I’m fucking doing right now.” – Master auteur James Franco in that picture, obviously.

When it was announced that history’s greatest visionary (sorry, Kanye) was going to write and executive produce a remake of Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? for Lifetime, we all knew that it was going to be more artistic than everything under the roof of the Louvre combined. James Franco hasn’t disappointed. The original was about a girl (played by thirst queen Tori Spelling) whose mother thinks something is off about the hot dude (played by Ivan Sergei) she’s dating. Mother was right, because dude turns out to be a crazed murderer. Vulture says that James Franco has taken that plot and has injected it with equals parts Twatlight and Nickelodeon’s reboot of The Hunger.

Lifetime is calling the new Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? a “vampire love story.” Vulture has the rest of the messy details:

Per Lifetime’s description of the 2016 Mother, the film now has college-age theater major Leah surprising her mom Julie with a new love interest— a woman named Pearl. “Julie tries to embrace the idea of Leah’s new love interest, but she can’t shake the feeling that something is very wrong,” Lifetime’s official log line for the movie reads. “Julie’s suspicions lead to a startling discovery about Pearl that puts Leah in serious danger. Will Julie be able to save her daughter from an eternity of heartache before it’s too late?”

As we already know, Tori Spelling is playing the mom and Leila George (the daughter of Vincent D’Onofrio and Greta Scacchi) is playing Leah. James Franco and Ivan Sergei are also in it. Production has already wrapped. It airs on June 18th.

This sounds like a wreck and I’m into wrecks, but has James Franco even seen a Lifetime movie, because this sounds nothing like a Lifetime movie. Unless Meredith Baxter plays the lesbian vampire’s maker, this ain’t a Lifetime movie. But seriously, I expect this mess to be no more than 25 minutes long. Because when Leah brings her vampire lesbian girlfriend home, Tori Spelling is going to moan about how Dean McDermott is such a cheating asshole and they’re so broke, and that vampire lesbian girlfriend is going to have no choice but to stake herself in the heart.

Pic: Lifetime