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The What’s Her Face dolls!

When the Kartrashians pray to their overlord Lucifer every night, they probably ask that they wake up as a giant What’s Her Face doll, because painting on a new face every day is their dream! In the early aughts, the toy makers at Mattel showed the toy makers of the 80s that they weren’t the only ones who could produce LSD-induced fuckery. In 2001, Mattel put out a line of dolls that looked like the daughters of The Blank from Dick Tracy. The What’s Her Face dolls (which sounds like the name of Rita Ora’s doll line) were customizable dolls who came with bald heads and blank heads, and kids used washable markers, stamps and tiny wigs to give them faces and hair.

Kids could give their doll regular two eyes and a mouth, or they could give them two mouths and an eye, or they could write “HAIL SATAN!” on their faces. Because these dolls were definitely Satan’s minions:

The What’s Her Face dolls never really did happen. They were sent to the toy graveyard in 2003.

I don’t know why the memory of the What’s Her Face dolls popped up in my head over the weekend, but they did. Back in 2002, one of my friends bought me a What’s Her Face doll as a “gag gift,” because we watched the commercial together and thought they were the epitome of scary. That “gag gift” turned out to be a doll I played with for hours. (Side note: The visual definition of “forever alone” is a grown me drunkenly drawing a face on a doll in my bedroom and by myself at 11:30pm on a Saturday night.) I don’t know what happened to my What’s Her Face doll, but I’m sure her no face will pop up in my night terrors tonight and she’ll get me back for talking shit about her kind.

Pic: Pinterest