Important Question: Would You Choose The Right To Bring Your Son To Work Over $13 Million?

March 17, 2016 / Posted by:

Since every single one of us is a money-grubbing whore (who knows that money can buy you weed, booze, Hot Fries and a Netflix membership while a jobless son can buy you none of that), the answer is obviously: FUCK NO!

But Adam LaRoche chose differently. The first baseman of the Chicago White Sox, walked away from a $13 million payday after he was told to stop bringing his son to work nearly every damn day. The Chicago Tribune says that Adam’s 14-year-old son Drake LaRoche went to work with his dad so much that he became a regular fixture in the clubhouse and even had his own locker. Drake went to almost every game and went to spring training with his dad every day. On Tuesday, 36-year-old Adam announced that he and his ginger beard are retiring from the game immediately, which means he’s not going to get the $13 million left on his contract for the season. Adam didn’t say why he’s saying goodbye to all that MONAY, but Ken Williams, the executive vice president of the White Sox, did.

Ken said that he asked Adam to pull back on bringing Drake to work. It’s not like Ken said, “Stop fucking bringing that brat around!” Ken asked Adam to dial it back. Adam didn’t even want to negotiate.

Since it seems like locker rooms are full of naked buff dudes and cursing (read: my wonderland dream world), I would think that the players wouldn’t want a 14-year-old in there. Their team name is the White Sox, not the Subway Jareds. But Ken says that none of the players complained and the clubhouse is very “kid friendly.” Ken made the decision, because he felt like the team’s entire focus should be on winning and he was afraid that other players would start bringing their kids to work all the time. Ken Williams did say that he respects Adam’s decision.

“Even 50 percent (of the time) is probably too much, but there’s a wide range between 0-50 percent, so I was a little surprised by the stance he took, which is unfortunate. But talk about a quality life decision, a family decision. He talks about being there for his family, and he put it front and center. I respect and admire that.”

The players were reportedly not happy with Ken Williams’ decision and threatened to boycott a spring training game. They didn’t. Adam LaRoche, who FYI is best friends with the Duck Dynasty wrecks, only said this about retiring:

As for that whole “errr, shouldn’t Drake be in school” thing. Adam once said in an interview with The Washington Post that he’s not really into traditional school shit. Adam’s dad was a coach for the White Sox in the old days and always brought him to the clubhouse, so he did the same thing with his son:

“We’re not big on school,” LaRoche said. “I told my wife, ‘He’s going to learn a lot more useful information in the clubhouse than he will in the classroom, as far as life lessons.’ ”

You know you’re a real kind of rich when you can say fuck it to a career and retire at the age of 36 because your boss hit with you a reasonable request that you didn’t like. That’s truly fuck it money. But if I was young Drake LaRoche (which sounds like the name of Dimitri Marick’s rival on All My Children) and I read that my dad shit on $13 million to spend more time with me, I’d have one question to ask him. I’d ask him if there’s enough money in my trust fund for me to never ever work again. If not, I’d hand him some knee pads and tell him to grovel his way back into a multi-million dollar job while I cleaned out my locker and said “Bye, tricks!” to all the players.

Pic: Chicago White Sox

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