The Oscars Who? “Fifty Shades Of Grey” Took Over The Razzies
Some people would have you believe that Oscar Sunday is the most glamorous night in movie town, but those people are liars. Or misinformed. Or just plain dumb. Sure, the Kodak Theatre is filled to the gills with the likes of Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts and fart enthusiast Jennifer Lawrence. Sure, all the attendees are dressed up in fancy gowns custom-made for them by blind nuns. And, yes, it is a celebration of the “best” in the industry – if you’re white. But the true icon of awards is none other than… THE RAZZIES!
Who cares about the best when we can point, laugh and reminisce about the worst? The awards were announced last night and the two juggernauts this year were 50 Shades of Grey and Fantastic Four. The two steaming piles of celluloid waste tied for Worst Picture. 50 Shades of Grey swept its categories and also took home awards for Worst Actress – Dakota Johnson, Worst Actor – Jamie Dornan, Worst Onscreen Duo – Dornan and Johnson and worst screenplay. Fantastic Four also won Worst Remake and Worst Director – Josh Trank.
I’ve seen both of these disasters so I know full well they truly deserved these honours. 50 Shades at least made me laugh now and again and it has that remake of Crazy in Love, but Fantastic Four is a real mind-boggler. So much money poured into what amounts to nothing but two slow, slow hours and one shitty fight scene. One person did get robbed though, the true star of 50 Shades, Rita Ora‘s wig! That busted, mangy thing gets about two seconds of screen time but it gives the best damn performance in the movie.
Other top prizes went to Eddie Redmayne for Worst Supporting Actor in Jupiter Ascending (No lie, I liked that mess of a movie. Don’t ask why because I don’t know.) and Worst Supporting Actress to Kaley Cuoco for both Alvin and the Chipmunks: Road Chip and The Wedding Ringer.
Here’s the full list of “winners“:
WORST PICTURE
Fantastic Four
Fifty Shades of Grey
Jupiter Ascending
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
Pixels
WORST ACTOR
Johnny Depp, Mortdecai
Jamie Dornan, Fifty Shades of Grey
Kevin James, Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Adam Sandler, The Cobbler and Pixels
Channing Tatum, Jupiter Ascending
WORST ACTRESS
Katherine Heigl, Home Sweet Hell
Dakota Johnson, Fifty Shades of Grey
Mila Kunis, Jupiter Ascending
Jennifer Lopez, The Boy Next Door
Gwyneth Paltrow, Mortdecai
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Chevy Chase, Hot Tub Time Machine 2 and Vacation
Josh Gad, Pixels and The Wedding Ringer
Kevin James, Pixels
Jason Lee, Alvin & The Chipmunks: Road Chip
Eddie Redmayne, Jupiter Ascending
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting, Alvin & The Chipmunks: Road Chipand The Wedding Ringer
Rooney Mara, Pan
Michelle Monaghan, Pixels
Julianne Moore, Seventh Son
Amanda Seyfried, Love the Coopers and Pan
WORST REMAKE/RIP-OFF/SEQUEL
Alvin & The Chipmunks: Road Chip
Fantastic Four
Hot Tub Time Machine 2
Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)
Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
WORST SCREEN COMBO
All Four “Fantastics,” Fantastic Four
Johnny Depp and His Glued-On Moustache, Mortdecai
Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson, Fifty Shades of Grey
Kevin James and EITHER His Segue OR His Glued-On Moustache, Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Adam Sandler and Any Pair of Shoes, The Cobbler
WORST DIRECTOR
Andy Fickman, Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Tom Six, Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)
Sam Taylor-Johnson, Fifty Shades of Grey
Josh Trank, Fantastic Four
Andy and Lana Wachowski, Jupiter Ascending
WORST SCREENPLAY
Fantastic Four (screenplay by Simon Kinberg, Jeremy Slater and Josh Trank, Based on the Marvel comic book by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby)
Fifty Shades of Grey (screenplay by Kelly Marcel, Based on the Novel by E.L. James)
Jupiter Ascending (written by Andy and Lana Wachowski)
Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 (screenplay by Kevin James & Nick Bakay)
Pixels (screenplay by Tim Herlihy and Timothy Dowling, Story by Herlihy, Based on a Work by Patrick Jean)
RAZZIE REDEEMER AWARD
Elizabeth Banks (RAZZIE “Winner” for MOVIE 47, Multiple Hit Movies This Year)
M. Night Shyamalan (Perennial RAZZIE nominee & “winner,” director of The Visit)
Will Smith (For following up After Earth with Concussion)
Sylvester Stallone (All-Time RAZZIE Champ, award contender for Creed)
Pic: Universal Pictures