Chris Martin Almost Took An Ass To The Face During The NME Awards Last Night

Because the picture above looks like a page from Where’s Waldo? that’s been filtered through painkillers and waxed paper, allow me to explain what we’re looking at. In the purple t-shirt in the bottom center we have Chris Martin. Surrounding him is the rest of Coldplay. And in the middle of the table is Oli Sykes, the leader singer of a band called Bring Me the Horizon, who thought a good way to get some attention would be to climb up on Coldplay’s table during the NME Awards in London last night. Oli got up there and tore it up harder than Gwyneth Paltrow’s colon after an all-kale juice cleanse.

According to the Daily Mail, Oli Sykes (or as he’s no doubt known by the people at the linen rental company who have to clean the shoe prints out of that tablecloth, Oli Sucks) had people wondering what kind of drugs they serve backstage at the NME Awards when he trashed Coldplay’s table during his band’s performance. As you can see in the video below, not so soon after he got up, that table started a-rockin’ and Oli made the smart decision to hop off.

TMZ seems to think that Sykes threw a tabletop tantrum because the art for Coldplay’s latest album, A Head Full of Dreams, looks sort of like the art from their 2013 album, Sempiternal. They accused Coldplay of copying them back in November. However, Sykes claims that had nothing to do with it, and that he was just angry over “sound problems.”

It doesn’t take a detective to know that Oli is a table-stomping liar. You’ve got to really hate someone with all your heart to climb up on their table and smash all their alcohol. What makes it even worse is that Coldplay had to then sit through the rest of some third-tier banquet hall-looking award show with no booze. That’s some evil revenge, Oli.