On this week’s cover of People, they say that Jennifer Garner is living inside of an Avril Lavigne song, because her world is all ~CoMpLiCaTed~. They say that Jennifer Garner is spending a whole lot of time with her ex Ben Affleck even though they’re not together like that anymore. Case in point: They’re currently on a ski vacation with Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen. I’m sure they all probably laughed and laughed about the time that Tom Brady had to get a doctor to meet them at the airport after The Nanny got one of his Super Bowl rings stuck up Ben Affleck’s b-hole during some ass play on a private jet.*
Page Six says that Ben and Jennifer spent Valentine’s Day and President’s Day weekend together at The Yellowstone Club in Big Sky, Montana. They were there with Tom, Gis and “CBS journalist” Sharyn Alfonsi and her husband Matt Eby. They all brought their kids too. Some source says that on Monday night, they all hung out in the bar until closing. They all boozed it up except for Ben Affleck who is back on the wagon because he’s training for the Justice League movie.
“They had some serious après-ski and shut the bar down. They started drinking bloody marys, then beer and bourbons. They kept the bar open late for them. They all ate nachos, even Gisele. There were no nannies in sight, but Jen doesn’t look like she is harboring any resentment. Jen and Ben weren’t lovey-dovey at all, but were super-friendly and happy, relaxed. They were both attentive to their kids and laughing with Tom and Gisele. ”
A different source says that Ben and Jen are definitely not together, but are friendly and making it work for the sake of their children.
Ben and Jen tolerating each other’s faces isn’t the real news here. The real news is that Tom and Gizzy put nachos and the sweet nectar in their eating holes. Their stomachs probably had the same reaction my body has whenever I get dick. Their stomachs said, “It’s been so long since I’ve had this. I don’t know how to process it.” Their stomachs busted out a “trouble processing this request” error.
The witness must have gotten it wrong, because I cannot believe that Tom and Gis would go against their “GOOP on artisinal roids” diet. The corn chips in those nachos were obviously sun dried organic Kabocha squash chips and the cheese was actually a mixture of activated cashews and homemade coconut oil that was gently chewed up and spit out by a virgin bird. The nachos were made by their chef who flew the snack to Montana on a private jet. I mean, if Gisele was going to eat actual nachos, she’d wear a burqa while doing so.
* That didn’t happen…as far as I know.