You’d think that Brit Brit looks for two things in a future boyfriend: 1. A dude who thinks her morning dutch ovens are romantic. 2. A dude who knows her Starbucks order by heart (A Venti butterscotch Frapp with extra whip, chocolate shavings, chocolate syrup and pork rind bits that most L.A.-area Starbucks keep in the back just for her). But during her show, A Piece of Me, in Las Vegas on Sunday night, Brit told the audience that what she really wants is a hot nerd with a big dick. Me too!
Somewhere backstage, Daddy Spears stopped counting that night’s earnings and let out a big cheese grits-scented sigh. Because the next time he interviews possible leased man friends for his deep fried dumpling, he’s got to bring a measuring tape and make sure they pass the “nerd according to Britney” test, which has two questions on it:
1. Do you wear glasses? If so, move on to question 2.
2. What’s the answer to 2+3? You can’t use a calculator! But you can totally use your fingers. It’s not like we’re looking for the reincarnation of Einstein.