Adele Says She’ll Never Listen To Her Own Music

February 12, 2016 / Posted by:

Well that makes two of us” hissed Noel Gallagher.

Adele, the curator of the soundtrack to your sad drunk shower cries, is on the cover of this month’s VOGUE (sidebar: raise your hand if you to are side-eyeing whoever thought it would be cute to put that “She Had Us At Hello” on the cover). And one thing I learned about Adele is that Adele isn’t doing handography in her kitchen to “When We Were Young” or practicing dramatic faces to “Skyfall” in the mirror like the rest of us. According to Adele, Adele would never. But wait – what does Adele listen to when she’s crying into a tub of ice cream in her bathrobe? This is a real “If a tree falls in the forest” situation.

On if she’d ever throw on 21: “What? For like ‘Ooh, let’s get in the mood’?” she asks, genuinely appalled. “No, I couldn’t imagine! Never.”

The only thing that would be more appalling is that you know there are totally some kinky narcissists (*cough* KANYE WEST *cough*) out there who definitely get off to the sound of their own warbles. Adele doesn’t really say much else besides the obvious: that she’s going on tour, that she waited a long-ass time to release 25, that she quit boozing and drinking. But Adele did give us the mental image of her shitting underneath her MBE, and that’s something.

On describing her body (and simultanously making me hungry for potatoes): She laughs about her “bum chin,” her “intense” forehead, and her “potato fingers.” She swears by Spanx for her public appearances but describes putting them on as “like pumping a sausage bag full of meat!”

On giving up smokes and booze so she didn’t have to perform every show laying down on a sofa: “I was trying to get some stamina for my tour,” she says, “so I lost a bit of weight. Now I fit into normal, off-the-shelf clothes—which is a really big problem for me!” she adds, laughing as she describes a newfound shopping habit.

On where she keeps the fancy medal Prince Charles gave her back in 2013: She mounted her ribboned medal in a pretty nineteenth-century giltwood frame, and it now hangs in her powder room at home, above the toilet “next to me Aesop poo drops!”

On how she hopes her son can do fun teenage stuff without getting caught by the paps: “I think it’s really hard being a famous person’s child. What if he wants to smoke weed or drink underage, or what if he’s gay and doesn’t want to tell me, and then he’s photographed and that’s how I find out?”

I agree, that would totally suck for your family to find out what you’ve been up to via the paps. Then again, the only trouble I was getting into when I was 15 was watching Breaker High while sprucing up my favorite Taz t-shirt with my GeMagic. Although to be honest, having people discover that I was using a knock-off Bedazzler would have be pretty traumatic.

Here’s more of Adele in VOGUE. As if you couldn’t tell by all the shots of Adele looking like a melancholoy Victorian ghost who lives in an abandoned water-damaged orphanage, they were shot by Annie Leibovitz.


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