Jenny From The 3000 Block Of Las Vegas Blvd.

January 21, 2016 / Posted by:

While Our Lady of Cheetos sleep dances and sort of moves her lip-synching lips in rehearsals for the next set of dates for her Las Vegas residency, she was gracious enough to let Jennifer Lopez borrow her stage at Planet Hollywood. Brit Brit Spears may not be able to spell saint, but she is one.

The opening night for JLo’s residency at Planet Hollywood happened last night and her show “All Of Me” looks like what you’d see if you looked at Liberace’s cum load through a microscope. There’s rhinestones! There’s feathers! There’s fur! If JLo’s show doesn’t work out, Planet Hollywood can recycle her costumes and use them in their new production: Zsa Zsa Gabor The Musical! I can’t hate on JLo’s show, because every costume looks like it came from a drag show inspired by Dynasty. (“But isn’t every drag show inspired by Dynasty?” – you “I sit corrected.” – me)

Justin Bieber, Rebel Wilson, Hoda Kotb, Kelly Osbourne, Casper the Friendly Gold Digger and Ryan Seacrest were all in the audience as JLo shook her rhinestone-covered ass in bedazzled pantyhouse bodysuits. She also brought Ja Rule and Pitbull on stage with her. TMZ says that unlike Brit Brit, JLo doesn’t lip-synch and natural musical notes come out of her mouth during her show. Here’s a few clips from her show and if the thought of listening to JLo singing live (with help from an auto-tone mic, probably) has made your ears cry out blood tears, don’t worry. I listened to it and my ears are still alive.

And while watching those clips and looking at these pictures from the show I tried to guess which one of her back-up dancers is going to try to Nomi Malone her by pushing her down the stairs so that they can take her place and become the new goddess of Las Vegas! There’s always someone younger and hungrier and with a bigger ass coming down the stairs after you.

Pics: Splash, Getty

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