To be fair, I’m sure it’s really difficult to read the list of “Do Not Dos” your lawyer gave you on the day you returned home from prison when you’ve got more artificial eyelashes than Lamb Chop stuck to your eyelids.
Less than one month after she was released from prison, Teresa Giudice is already breaking laws and trying to weasel her way out of trouble. “That’s my girl!” grunted Joe Giudice. TMZ says that on Thursday night, the human My Precious Puff almost had to call up the Danbury Federal Correctional Institution and tell them to put some fresh sheets on her bed. Teresa was leaving a red carpet event in New Jersey (don’t worry, I laughed at those words too) and realized she might not make her 10pm curfew. That’s uh-oh #1. So she hopped in an Uber and told her driver to haul ass. Of course, Teresa’s Uber got busted for speeding on the way home. That’s uh-oh #2.
As the police were talking to the Uber driver, Teresa piped up from the back seat and told them she was trying to get home by 10pm and it was her idea to drive like a mess. TMZ says that the police officer immediately recognized who she was, and agreed to let her go without a ticket because she had had such a shitty year.
Of course, this is just TMZ’s side of the story. I’m sure if you spoke to the police officer who caught them speeding, they would paint an entirely different picture. “Just as I started to write the driver a ticket, this horrible thing with crazy eyes popped up out of the backseat. All eyes and hair – I couldn’t tell where its forehead ended and its hairline started. I think it was The Babadook in low-budget New Jersey housewife drag. Anyways, it scared me so bad I damn near pissed my pants, so I let them go.”