Okay, So Maybe Fox’s “Rocky Horror” Remake Will Be Worth Watching After All…

January 15, 2016 / Posted by:

Fox has yet to be like, “Hahaha, we’re just joking, we’re not going to ruin the hell out of Rocky Horror for you by sanitizing all the good shit out of it.” They’re still going through with their TV remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and up until today, the casting has been a tragic mess. Laverne Cox is playing Frank-N-Furter and the rest of the cast is filed directly under “NOPE.” Victoria Justice is playing Janet, someone named Ryan McCartan is playing Brad, Reeve Carney from Penny Dreadful is playing Riff-Raff and Adam Lambert is playing Eddie. I keep waiting for Fox to announce that they’re really going to mess Rocky Horror up by casting Selena Gomez as Magenta and Lea Michele as Columbia. It’s coming. But well, maybe there’s one tiny sparkle in this shit pile of NO.

Fox announced today that Tim Curry is going back to Rocky Horror. The only Frank-N-Furter we need will play the criminologist narrator. Charles Gray played the role in the movie. Tim Curry, who is still recovering from the stroke that put him in a wheelchair, said these few words about joining Fox’s Rocky Horror reboot:

“I am very happy and excited to be a part of this new event.”

(Side note: Tim Curry is a 69-year-old English treasure, so instead of flipping Fox off for ruining Rocky Horror, we should be holding hands in a prayer circle around him.)

I guess if anybody can save this G-rated butchery it’s Tim Curry. And the only way he can save it is if he rips off his narrator costume 5 seconds into “Sweet Transvestite,” slips into some black panties and shows those amateurs how it’s really, really done.

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