It’s Never Too Late To Gold Dig: The Jerry Hall Edition

January 12, 2016 / Posted by:

Last night, Mick Jagger took a break from pouring one out for David Bowie to laugh into the sky over his ex-not-wife Jerry Hall getting engaged to Dr. Evil’s idol Rupert Murdoch.

2016 isn’t messing around and has wasted no time in showing 2015 how to really bring the WTFness. Jerry Hall has joined Mariah Carey in The “Getting On An Australian Billionaire Who Looks Like A Character from Shrek” club. Jerry Hall has been rubbing her fuck parts all over Rupert’s frog king-looking ass for a few months now. And now they’re engaged! In the back of my mind, I always knew that Jerry Hall would one day become the glamorous wife of a real-life Bond villain.

59-year-old Jerry and 84-year-old Rupie announced their engagement in The Times, which his company owns. The Guardian says that Jerry and Rupert got engaged over the weekend in Los Angeles, where they were for the Golden Globes. So on Sunday, Jerry Hall was probably laughing at all of us desperate messes going crazy over Powerball, because she already won and all she had to do was lick on two power balls. My idol and hero! Here’s their announcement:

Mr Rupert Murdoch, father of Prudence, Elisabeth, Lachlan, James, Grace and Chloe Murdoch, and Miss Jerry Hall, mother of Elizabeth, James, Georgia and Gabriel Jagger, are delighted to announce their engagement.

This will be Rupert’s fourth marriage. His divorce from his last wife, Ride Or Die Wendi Deng, was finalized in 2013. This will be Jerry’s first marriage. Some source told The Daily Mail that these two crazy messes are really happy, “They have loved these past months together, are thrilled to be getting married and excited about their future.”

Jerry Hall once had a reality show (which yes, I watched) called Kept where she searched for the perfect kept boy toy and now she’s switched it up, because she’s the kept bitch. But really, Heather Mills, the president of The Gold Diggers of the World Association, isn’t going to make Jerry Hall a platinum member just yet. I mean, Jerry Hall has her own money, she doesn’t need Rupert’s billions and billions and billions and billions and billions of dollars. She’s obviously with him because she fell in love with his charred black heart and gets the serious tingles when she licks the curdled sweat from his gargoyle nutsack. It’s true love, okay?

Pics: Splash,

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