Technically that headline is true – she is literally giving out cookies. But it still feels weird and all sorts of wrong, because a bad bitch queen like Cookie Lyon would never fuck up a $200 manicure with a bunch of cheap $2 cookie crumbs.
But apparently Taraji P. Henson would, and it was pretty cute. It was also incredibly thoughtful of her, since those cookies no doubt provided a much-needed mental break from the three-hour mess that was the 2016 Golden Globe awards. Nothing says “I’m going to check out for the next ten minutes” like calculating just how many people handled the food you’re holding before you put it in your mouth. And yes, I’m assuming everyone ate the cookies Taraji handed to them. Why wouldn’t they? Who turns down a cookie?
Of course, Taraji wasn’t there just so the HFPA could watch her whip stale cookies at well-dressed strangers apropos of nothing. She did her little cookie strut while accepting the Golden Globe award for Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series, Drama. Here’s her speech, which starts with her hissing at the Golden Globe Stair Helper for stepping on her train and ends with her pulling a “No, bitch” on the speech timer people for trying to cut her off. Somewhere in a pile of fur and diamonds and half-naked buff studs, Cookie Lyon is screaming “Yes mama!”
Cookies aren’t the only thing Taraji served up last night. If you watched any of the red carpet coverage, you know that she spent her time on the red carpet serving up eighteen tons of FACE, BODY, FAAAAAACE! I hope that red carpet is insured, because Taraji worked it so hard, I’m pretty sure she broke it.