Open Post: Hosted By Mimi Luxuriating In A Winter Wonderland While Wearing A One-Piece

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but Mimi’s thirst is so delightful.

Hos have had it wrong for a while now. The North Pole isn’t the headquarters for Christmas. The headquarters for Christmas is Aspen, CO, because that’s where the Queen of Christmas, Mimi, flutters off to every single year. The people of Aspen would be lost if Mimi didn’t grace their presence every Christmas and they’d also think something was wrong if they didn’t see her butterfly tits in a bathing suit.

So just like she does almost every year, Mimi risked turning her clit into a clitcicle by posing out in the cold in a swimsuit for her devoted lambs. Mimi got into a gold one-piece (which is probably made of actual gold since she’s dating Billionaire Shrek now) and delivered a frost-bitten nipples “moment” while standing in a pool outside. I know that’s snow in her delicate rose petal hand, but it looks more like soggy coke. It looks like Lindsay Lohan sneezed into her hand.

I’m just thinking of all of the people who had to work during the holidays to make that oh-so-casual portrait happen. Since Mimi can barely walk on the ground by herself let alone in a pool, it probably took a crane, a low-flying helicopter and four men in scuba suits to gently put her in that pool and gently pluck her out.

And even though it probably took an entire team to create that picture, it’s still blurry as hell. Mimi is rich, her man is even richer and her pictures still look like they were taken with a half-broken View-Master. All I want for Christmas is for someone to buy Mimi a working Hello Kitty camera.

Pic: Instagram