Hot Slut Of The Day!
Elvira “Vera” Montes, the badass grandma who became the oldest finisher in history at Austin’s FloTrack Beer Mile World Championships!
A friend once put together an Amazing Race-style game for her birthday. You know, a bunch of her friends teamed up in twos and had to run all over NYC doing tasks. There was one task where we all had to chug a beer and then run to the next event. Chugging a beer wasn’t the hard part. I think I swallowed the entire beer, glass and all, in six seconds. The running with a gut full of the yeasty sweet nectar was the hard part for me. It made my insides fill with gas and it felt like I was farting through my mouth. You’re most likely thinking, “Michael, you dumb bitch, that’s called a burp.” No, it felt like a mouth fart and I can’t explain it.
But anyway, chugging 1 beer and running is amateur hour for Vera Montes! Vera chugged 4 beers while running. The 81-year-old memaw of three tells the El Paso Times that she entered the FloTrack Beer Mile World Championships last year after her 47-year-old daughter Renee encouraged her to do it. This year was her second time doing it.
Before the race, every competitor had to chug down a 12-ounce beer and they had to chug down another 12-ounce beer every quarter mile. The race is a mile long, so they ended up guzzling down 4 beers. This year, Vera finished the race in a little over 20 minutes. She beat out her daughter who finished in 21 minutes and 15 seconds. Vera, who has been a competitive runner for decades, says that she would’ve finished faster if they had to drink scotch instead of beer.
“I’m not a big beer drinker. I like beer when the weather is real hot and there’s nothing else to drink. I’m really a scotch drinker, Chivas if it’s available. If it was scotch we were drinking instead of beer, I would have run a lot faster.”
My hero! If I ever make it to Vera’s age, the only thing I’ll be able to compete in is the Chug And Sit And Yell At Children Championships. And someone really needs to start a chug scotch and run race, so Vera can really show those hos.
Pic: The El Paso Times