Goopy Paltrow’s Pop-Up Shop Got Robbed Of $173K Worth Of Shit

December 7, 2015 / Posted by:

Since wealthy bitches need more stores where they can show how rich they are by buying a bunch of overpriced crap without blinking, Goop opened up its own pop-up shop for the holidays in Manhattan. (Side note: Goopy Paltrow is so obsessed with shitting, so I’m surprised she didn’t open up a poop-up shop where people can get panda saliva enemas and $425 colon cleanses.) Page Six says that on Saturday, Goop’s pop-up shop, which is full of the usual necessities like $1,100 Wonder Woman mom shorts, got burgled! Don’t worry, the thieving thieves didn’t take those $1,100 Wonder Woman mom shorts so you can still use most of your rent money to buy them.

Cops say that three dudes entered the Goop Mrkt at around 5pm and acted kind of weird. They circled around the shop before one of them used an object to pry open a cabinet full of merchandise. They grabbed as much shit as they could and ran out of there. The police say they stole $173,000 worth of Goop stuff. You may be thinking that they got away with maybe one disposable diamond and gold toothpick (price tag: $150,000) and a $23,000 pack of cashmere Kleenex you can use to pat your pussy dry after getting it steamed. But the cops say they got away with a bunch of fancy jooree.

They stole a $106,000 vintage Bulgari bracelet, a David Weiss bracelet priced at $43,730 and three dude Rolexes that cost $12,000, $7,470 and $3,995. A report was made and the cops are investigating. And by “investigating,” I’m sure they mean that they’re going to look at Lindsay Lohan’s Instagram page to see if any of the stolen items are on her body or in the background. That usually happens in most burglary investigations.

A rep for the Goop pop-up store released a statement letting everyone know that it’s totally safe to shop there and they still have a ton of expensive shit for rich people to buy:

“While the store was crowded during one of our busiest days, thankfully the NYPD responded quickly, our customers and staff are safe, and we remain open for business with proper security precautions in place. [It was] an isolated incident involving a very limited number of items.”

Goopy hasn’t released a statement yet, but I’m sure she’s pissed and someone is definitely going to lose their job over this. I mean, Goopy is probably so embarrassed that her pop-up shop sold a Rolex that was only $4k! What are they, Big Lots?

Pic: Getty

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