Universal Really Wants St. Angie Jolie To Play The Bride Of Frankenstein

November 23, 2015 / Posted by:

And I’m sure that after they see my impeccable Photoshop work, Universal will beg me to do the special effects.

The critics pretty much declared St. Angie Jolie’s HIGH ART 70s perfume commercial By The Sea an Ambien-laced turd and it also bombed at the box office. The Brangeloonies should be ashamed of themselves for not selling their house, their cars, their internal organs and their kids to buy every ticket available! If you’re a Brangeloonie and you’re not homeless and eating dirt pies because you sold everything to support your God’s movie, then you can’t call yourself a Brangeloonie. Shameful! But anyway…

By The Zzz has been out in limited-release for two weeks and so far it’s only made around $321,000 domestically. The Hollywood Reporter says that Universal put up all the money. The budget was $25 million (Universal claims the budget was $10 million) and another $15 million was spent on marketing. Universal is probably going to eat most of that money, but they don’t care. A source tells THR that Universal is hoping that since they gave St. Angie some play money for her little movie, she will return the favor by starring in one of their big-budget movies. Universal probably figures that since Maleficent made a zillion dollars, they’ll also make a mountain of money from St. Angie playing another monster: The Bride of Frankenstein.

Universal is remaking The Bride of Frankenstein as part of their “Monster series” and they’re hoping St. Angie either stars in that or does a sequel to Wanted.

But even if Universal loses tens of millions of dollars on By the Sea, the studio is gambling that by backing Jolie Pitt’s artistic whim, she will be amenable to starring in its tentpole Bride of Frankenstein, which is part of the Monster’s universe from producers Alex Kurtzman and Chris Morgan, or a long-hoped-for sequel to Wanted. Either of those films could end up raking in far more in profits than Universal will lose on By the Sea.

Universal really fucked up on this one. What they should’ve done is told St. Angie that they’ll give her the money for By The Sea if she rewrites her character as the Bride of Frankenstein and rewrites Brad Pitt’s character as The Monster. Universal would’ve gotten their wish for St. Angie to play the Bride of Frankenstein and she would’ve gotten her wish to direct her vanity project. Everybody wins!

And By The Sea would’ve been a thousand times more interesting if it was about the Bride of Frankenstein and The Monster getting into drunken fights in a seaside hotel room in the 70s.

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