Heidi Klum Who?

November 2, 2015 / Posted by:

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s the visual definition of demure sophistication!

Every year, we all hear about how Heidi Klum is the Queen of Halloween and nobody does it like her and blah blah blah blah fart blah. Yeah, it probably took a million hours, a team of 12 and thousands of dollars to transform Heidi Klum into a terrifying fun hour mirror melting Amanda LePore mannequin, but she still didn’t win Halloween. The true winner of Halloween was the living fiber optic flower lamp that is Bai Ling who showed Heidi Klum that all she needs to transform into another character is $8, a couple of coupons and a pussy waxing kit.

Bai Ling really hit up the clearance costume section at Walgreens, because she transformed into several characters including SuperRose, Lady Spock and a much more elegant Leeloo from The Fifth Element. Bai Ling transformed into all of those characters while doing an almost-naked photo shoot by the train tracks in L.A. for the paparazzi. Bai Ling gave us modesty (see: the picture of her covering up her precious oyster) and art (see: the picture of her posing in front of “slut” graffiti). Bai Ling not only took the gold medal at the Slutoween Olympics, but she also set an untouchable bar for ho stroll photo shoots. Don’t be surprised tomorrow if I post pictures of Phoebe Price trying to outdo Bai Ling by posing fully naked on Skid Row.

And somebody snatch the Halloween crown off of Heidi Klum and place it where it really belongs: Bai Ling’s gorgeous goddess head.

Pics: Wenn.com

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