Hot Slut Of The Day!

Frosty Trees!

It’s November 1st, which means Christmas is ONLY 55 days away, which means that we all better permanently install earplugs into our hearing holes and brace ourselves, because the stores are really going to shoot a Christmas bukkake on all of us. The stores have already stuck the Christmas tip in weeks ago and now they’re going to go holly balls deeps. Anyway, I was at the grocery store a couple of weeks ago and they already had holiday shit in their bakery section. Just when I was about to write a Knowledge Report on them for prematurely terrorizing us with holiday crap, my eyes landed on these little Christmas tree cakes that were knock-offs of Little Debbie’s Christmas tree cakes. For some reason, that made my brain think of Frosty Trees ice cream.

I didn’t have a Frosty Tree until I moved to NYC and found them at a C-Town or something. I never had them as a kid in California and didn’t even know they existed. But a friend who grew up in the Midwest told me that she had them as a kid in the 80s and hours of research (read: a 2 second Google search) led me to find out that they were around as early as the 70s. Frosty Trees are made by Kemps and they’re basically just mint ice cream covered in sprinkles. Every holiday season, Kemps also sells a creepy, serial-killing snowman ice cream treat. X-Entertainment did a write-up about them a few years ago and also posted a picture of what they really look like. Those Frosty Trees are the Mariah Carey of frozen holiday treats, because they have been Photoshopped to the depths of hell and back again.

That Frosty Tree looks like Shrek’s frozen and slightly bloody loogie, and yes I’d still put one in my mouth.