Hot Slut Of The Day!

Rockwell!

No Halloween is complete until you’ve drunkenly danced by yourself to Rockwell’s “Somebody’s Watching Me” as your costume falls apart during closing time at the club. (Or if you’re me, no Halloween is complete until you’ve drunkenly danced by yourself to Rockwell’s “Somebody’s Watching Me” while surrounded by piles of candy wrappers in the middle of your living room.)

Rockwell (born name: Kennedy William Gordy) is the son of Berry Gordy and Berry Gordy’s former side piece Margaret Norton, and in 1984 he gifted the world with the Halloween classic “Somebody’s Watching Me.” My favorite part of Rockwell’s Wikipedia bio is the part that says he signed up with Motown (aka his daddy’s label) but did it without his dad finding out because he didn’t want people to scream NEPOTISM! I always knew that Tori Spelling must’ve stolen that trick from someone.

Rockwell, who always gave me “slightly more butch El DeBarge” vibes,  put out a few albums and singles in the 80s, but he will be forever remembered for creating the NSA’s theme song. Rockwell wrote the song himself and got his childhood friends Michael Jackson and Jermaine Jackson to sing the chorus and back-up. For the longest time, I thought Thomas Dolby sang “Somebody’s Watching Me” and didn’t know it wasn’t Thomas Dolby until I watched the video. (Side note: You know you’re old when you can name the guy who sang “She Blinded Me With Science” without Googling.)

Behold, American Horror Story: Rockwell’s House.

I wasn’t planning on dressing up tonight, but now I know that if I need a quick and comfortable costume, I can just put on a toga diaper, suck in for my life and get stoned to the point where I can’t move. I can tell everyone I’m dressed as the malnourished zombie from the “Somebody’s Watching Me” video.

Happy HalloQueen, everyone!