Hot Slut Of The Day!
Lori Sforza, the 75-year-old fortune teller psychic witch priestess from Salem who won in court against a 45-year-old warlock! This is the Game of Thrones and original Law & Order (RIP) crossover episode we’ve all been waiting for!
Most of us probably know that screwing with a Salem witch priestess with captivating eyebrows is never a good thing. Mess with one and she could punish you by melting your soul before turning it into a Maybelline brow pencil that she’d use to elevate her beauty while cackling into the air. Or she’ll cast a spell on the courts and you’ll end up with a restraining order in your hands. The latter is what happened to one of her enemies, a warlock named Christian Day. (I know, a warlock named Christian. God Warrior’s head is going to explode over that.)
Lori and Warlock Christian were in a court room in Salem, MA yesterday, because she claims he’s been harassing her on the phone and on social media for three years and she wanted a judge to slap him with a restraining order. The Boston Globe says that Lori and Christian were best friends/business partners up until three years ago when they had a falling out. Warlock Christian says that Lori fired the first black magic shot by opening up a rival store behind his in Salem. Lori swept into the court room like the regal lady of magic that she is and testified that Warlock Christian regularly called her in the middle of the night to call her a cunt and he wished death upon her on Facebook. Lori told the judge that she predicted all of the court room drama.
“I can see into my own future. That’s why I’m here today,” said Lori Bruno-Sforza, who runs Magika, a witchcraft store in Salem. “I want to protect myself.”
The judge ruled in Lori’s favor and cast a restraining order spell on Warlock Christian. Christian told the Boston Globe that he plans to fight the judge’s decision, because he’s innocent and didn’t make those calls. Christian says that Lori’s side didn’t throw up any proof, but in her defense, neither did he. Christian didn’t testify and his original lawyer kept barfing up on himself so he had to excuse himself from the case (Lori’s skills at work, I see.) Christian hired a lawyer he met in the hallway of the courthouse and they only had 2 hours to prepare.
Christian and his hallway lawyer could’ve prepared for 2 years and they still would’ve lost. Lori didn’t even have to cast a spell or try. All she had to do was sit near the judge and let her enchanting brows hypnotize the judge into siding with her. And I’m hypnotized too, because when we all vote for president next year, I’m going to cross out all the names and write Sforza/Covey.
Pic: AP (For Jen, Katherine and D)