Dame Helen Mirren’s Nipples Have Retired From Show Business

If you Google “Helen Mirren naked,” you’ll get dozens of real pictures of her magnificent chichis and nipples (and you’ll also get a bunch of not-so-real pictures of her getting boned by a twink). But well, those real pictures of Helen Mirren’s majestic tits are the last images we’ll have of her nipple knobs, because she says she’s officially done with on-screen nakedness. Helen Mirren’s nipples are now retired from performing in front of the cameras and they’re looking forward to spending their days getting day drunk on the front porch while yelling at brats on the lawn. Dame Helen tells Alan Cumming in the CBS interview series Remember That Time? (via Vanity Fair) that she never really wanted to show her chichis on camera, but she did it, because it’s not that big of a deal. But she’s done with that now and is letting her nipples live that retiree life:

I never wanted to do that, but I thought, “Pfft, does it really matter?” I don’t know, it seemed to be not a thing to get your knickers in a twist about. I was doing nude scenes from the first moment I started doing movies. It was the era. I guess it’s even more so now. When I did Caligula it was ‘shock horror,’ ‘triple X,’ ‘only in porn cinemas’ – now Game of Thrones is on at 8 o’clock at night, there it is, it is exactly what I did in Caligula. Basically every scene is sex, upfront.

That’s the good thing about getting old. You don’t have to do that sort of thing anymore. My pleasure pillows are purely for my husband now.

Well, the good news is that Tom Hiddleston is baring his ass in movies now, so that may help a little to fill the void left by Dame Helen’s glorious nipples. And the Oscars are shit and don’t do anything right, but hopefully they do something right next year by airing a special In Mammariam tribute to Dame Helen’s legendary (and retired) nips.

Pic: New York Magazine