Christine the Nanny has been missing from the ho stroll for a little while, but I fully expect her to put on a “Mrs. Affleck” t-shirt and take a drive in her Lexus convertible down Robertson Blvd. to show off her new vanity plate that reads “BENSGRL.” Because yesterday, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were papped together and his usual glum cunt frown was replaced with a bright, shiny happy face, and she also threw a smile that said, “Seethe, nanny, seethe.”
People says that yesterday, Ben and Jennifer paid a visit to a counseling center in L.A. and they drove there together in his mid-life crisis mobile. People “somehow knows” (that may or may not be code for “Ben and Jen’s publicists told them“) that this is the first time they’ve been to that center since announcing they’re burying their marriage in a shallow grave. They used to go to weekly sessions there a lot, but stopped going months before they broke up.
I thought one of the perks of being separated (besides getting to fuck whoever you want without too much judgement, of course) is that you don’t have to spill your feewings in marriage counseling sessions anymore. Sure, they could be seeing a counselor to figure out how to raise their kids while not being married to each other, but still. That seems really exhausting. If for some weird, bizarre, fucked-up reason I have kids and I break up with the dude I’m with, we’re going to communicate the traditional way. We’re never going to speak to each other and when I send the kids over to his house, I’m going to make them give him a note from me that reads: “I HATE YOUR FACE! DIE, BITCH, DIE! xoMichael” Call me old-fashioned.