Megan Fox Has Filed Papers To Legally Quit Brian Austin Green’s Ass

August 21, 2015 / Posted by:

Megan Fox, seen above in the olden days of 2006 when she was still wearing her (mostly) original face, is 100% done with Brian Austin Green and today she filed papers to permanently end their 5-year marriage. Sadness IS knowing that David Silver will no longer serenade Megan every night with an acoustic version of his hit song, “Be My Love.” Oh well, Megan and David Silver’s love may have died, but we’ll forever have that picture of her grabbing onto his remote control dick. They can’t take that away from us.

People says that the Plato of our time filed for divorce today, two days after the world found out that the Summer of Splits ate their marriage whole. Megan wants joint custody of their sons, Noah and Bodhi, and she listed “June 15″ as their separation date. TMZ says that Megan is using Gavin Rossdale’s divorce lawyer Laura Wasser. Apparently, Megan and BAG don’t have a pre-nup and since they were together for 11 years, their assets will probably be split 50/50. Megan will probably have to give BAG a spousal support check every month, because she’s obviously got a lot more money than he does and he has “medical issues.” A source tells TMZ that Megan and BAG are playing nice and they’re living in the same house.

A different source tells People that shit went south, because she’s never home and he felt like she was focusing too much on her career.

“Megan is young and hot and sought after for work, and she is eager to move ahead in her career. Brian wants more of her time than she can allow. She was overwhelmed with the children and her husband’s expectations, which got in the way of work responsibilities. They had many disagreements and arguments about her time at home, which led to problems.

Megan has always been career-oriented and noted because she was so beautiful. Now she is being recognized for her talent, and like anyone else with Hollywood ambitions, she wants to pursue those options. The timing just wasn’t working for her relationship.”

If People’s source didn’t get paid a shit load of money by Megan to say that, then they should immediately run to the nearest emergency room. Something serious must be happening to their brain if they can say those words with a straight face.

But seriously, BAG is selfish as all hell. Megan Fox was given a precious gift and he should let her share it with the world. We would all be artistically starved if she didn’t feed us with her impeccable acting skills in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. BAG should’ve quit his whining. Megan Fox is a wise philosopher, the reincarnation of Katharine Hepburn and she has toe thumbs so she can finger bang and toe bang his b-hole at the same time. She’s the perfect woman and BAG totally fucked it up!


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