— Hunter Hirn (@HunterHirn) August 15, 2015
As you can see in the picture above, estranged spouse types Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner spent their Saturday at Universal Studios in Florida. Because nothing says “Pay no attention to that nanny over there” like working your happy family game at the happiest place on Earth. Sorry Disney, but you’ll get that happiest place title back once you set up Mickey with a liquor license, and no, Epcot doesn’t count.
But really, they were there to celebrate Ben’s 43rd birthday. Now that I think of it, maybe that’s why Ben chose Universal Studios for his birthday. Dude went for the booze. I’ve been twice (I know, I’m basically Baby Prince George), and after you watch a sweat cocktail collect in your shoes from the sweat dripping down your neck, back, pussy, and crack while waiting in the never-ending lines of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, you’ll be ready for 10 beers. It’s bleak. It’s like a giant maze constructed to test your sanity. I once waited 4 hours to ride this thing called Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey, which is basically where you pretend to ride a broomstick. I could have gotten high and rode a real broomstick at home! I’m a chump.
TMZ has a blurry picture of Ben and Jen and the kids strolling around Universal Studios on Saturday. One picture? And it’s blurry as hell? Maybe their regular army of paps put the directions into the GPS wrong and ended up at Gatorland instead.
UsWeekly says Ben and Jen were also joined at Universal Studios by Ben’s mom. I don’t know what kind of mom Mama Affleck is, but I would love it if she was the type who spent the whole day pestering him about Christine Ouzounian. “Ben…Ben…stop walking so fast. Listen, did you buy that nanny a Lexus or not? Ben, stop pretending you don’t hear me. I know you hear me Ben. Ben! Get back here! I gave birth to you!“