BEWARE: If you’re ever in a Manhattan bar and hear a voice say, “We want Taylor Swift songs,” down your drink immediately and bust on out of there, because a hissy fit tantrum cunt show is about to go down.
Gawker says that on Monday morning, the owner of the East Village wine and tapas bar Ballaró, found the words, “WE DO NOT PLAY TAYLOR SWIFT HERE YOU CUNTS GRAZIE,” written in playground chalk on the sidewalk in front of her establishment. (Side note: In my next life, I hope I’m a passive aggressive Italian drag queen named Cunts Grazie.) The bar’s owner Denyse Santoro didn’t need to whistle for Detective La Toya Jackson to solve the case, because she knew who left that charming note. The chalk vandals were in her bar the night before.
Denyse sent an email to her neighbors explaining why that message was in front of her bar. Denyse claims that on Sunday night, a group of 15 insane and drunk Swifties demanded that she play Taylor Swift songs. Surprisingly, the gang wasn’t made up of Lena Dunham, Cara Delawhatever, Karlie Kloss, Gigi Hadid, HAIM and Lorde.
Denyse played two Taylor Swift songs and when she switched to other music, the gang raged like Gremlins. Denyse writes in her email (which was also posted on Facebook):
They started screaming that the songs I played weren’t the right one and I was told that, “this place is shit, the music and the people here suck.” I was then told to, “go back to your country with that fucking immigrant face.”
This was the point that I lost control and I finally broke under the consistent barrage of snarky comments to myself and my staff. We had done nothing but serve them and try to make their time as enjoyable as possible and we were all being treated poorly. I yelled at them to leave and asked them all to go.
A commenter on EV Grieve claims they were there that night and saw everything go down.
Denyse says that the gang of Swifties didn’t pay their $500 bill. She didn’t say whether or not she called the cops or contacted Taylor Swift since it’s that corn husk doll’s fault for creating the world’s fastest-growing cult of crazies!
What’s really surprising about this story is that there are hardcore Taylor Swift fans out there who can drink legally. I would think that their regular meeting place would be Chuck E. Cheese. But now we know that the streets of the East Village are a little less safe, because there’s a gang of Taylor Swift fans terrorizing tapas bars with chalk! I’ll be in NYC this weekend and if I find myself walking through the East Village, I’m going to load a Katy Perry song onto my iPhone and keep my finger on the play button, because I may need to blast it at a chalk-wielding Swifty.
“Cause, baby, now we’ve got bad chalk…..”
Here’s Tay Tay leaving a restaurant with Calvin Harris in L.A. last night.